Where do I belong?

The secrets out

Trigger warning: This chapter will contain aspects of self-harm. Please read at your own risk. 

Izzy's POV:

It was now about 5 pm in the afternoon and I'm starting to feel slightly low. When I was at the Orphanage, the way I would make myself feel better was to cut. I haven't told Perrie or Alex about this and I wasn't planning on either. 

I find my razor in my bag and stare down at it. Just as I was about to use it across my wrist, I heard Perrie coming up the stairs. I quickly shoved the razor back in my bag and jumped on my bed and pretended to be asleep.

'Izzy, hun... do you... oh umm' Perrie says while noticing I'm asleep. She walks over to the bed and moves the hair from my face. 

I start to wake up and open my eyes to find Perrie sitting next to me stroking my hand. 

'Oh morning again my princess' Perrie says noticing I've woken up. 'Did you have a nice nap?'

'umm yes, I didn't realise I fell asleep, sorry.' I say sadly

'Of course, it's okay princess, I just came to ask what you wanted to have for dinner?'

'I'm not really hungry, but maybe pasta?' I ask

'Of course, I'll go make it now, is that okay?' I nod and smile slightly. 

Perrie's POV:

I walk up the stairs to Izzy's room to check on her and ask her what she wants for dinner. I find her asleep and that starts to worry me. She has slept so much since she has come home with us. Maybe she is keeping something from me, or worrying about something. 

After I get the news that Izzy wants pasta for dinner, I leave her alone again still worried and make my way down to the kitchen to start making some pasta.  My motherly instincts felt like there was something wrong but I can't quite work out what. 

I ignore my thoughts and start to cook. 

Alex's POV:

I'm currently back in the car on the way back from Liverpool and almost home. My team event was cancelled so I got to come back early. I'm looking forward to going home and seeing my girls. I hope Perrie got on with Izzy today. I feel slightly worried but I don't know why.

Timeskip- Alex's car pulls into the driveway.

My car makes it back and it is only 5:45 which is great as Perrie usually cooks dinner at this time. 

I walk into the hallway and make my way into the kitchen to find Perrie singing while cooking. I walk up behind her and hug her from behind. 'Hey babe'. She turns around smiling and pecks my lips. We kiss a few times more until she pulls apart. 'Why are you home so early?' She says and then kisses me again. 'The team event got cancelled'. 

'Where's Izzy, babe?' I question

'I think she is in her room' She replies while continuing to cook dinner. 

'Okay, I'm gonna go get changed and try and find her'. 

'When you find her can you tell that dinner will be in 10 minutes?'

'YEA' I shout as I am walking to the stairs.

I start to walk up the stairs and stop when I hear sobs coming from Izzy's bedroom. I quickly run to the room when I see Izzy holding a razor and blood dripping down her arm.  She is crying hysterically and I feel like she might have a panic attack. 

I run over to her and take the razor from her, I engulf her into a hug not caring about the blood getting on my kit. Luckily she hugs back and I can feel her starting to calm down.  

'PERRIE', I shout, but feel Izzy flinch and start to struggle in my arms. I realised that me shouting wasn't going to help.

After a few seconds, I heard Perrie rush up the stairs into Izzy's room and she froze. 

Izzy's POV:

Perrie left the room to make dinner and I got my razor, back out of my bag. I stared down at it for about half an hour. I couldn't bring myself to do anything. It felt different being here. I couldn't do it here. 

I then felt the sudden urge to cut. I took my razor and took it across my wrist 3 times. The blood started to escape my wounds but I continued.  After 5 more cuts, I realised I was now sobbing staring at my now cut wrist. 

All of a sudden, I heard someone at the door and rush to me. I felt the razor taken from my hand and being engulfed into a hug. I hug back not caring who it was just wanting comfort. 

I then hear a shout and realise, Alex is the one hugging me. I flinch and try to get out his grasp. He just hugs me tighter and I can't do anything else but stay still.

I hear Perrie rush into the room and freeze. I feel so bad but right now I can't face talking to anyone right now. Perrie picks me and up and takes me from Alex and sits me on her lap. 'Izzy, it's okay, try and breath for me please' I hear Perrie say to me calmly. Alex gets up from the floor and picks up my razor and takes it away with him as he leaves the room. 

My breathing quickens and tears continue to stream down my face. Perrie notices and tries to stroke my back to calm me down. 'Izzy, try and match your breathing with mine. In and out. In and out... there you go. Just try and breath. Everything is fine, your safe and no one is mad'. I start to calm down and look down at my wrist. I have 8 cuts up my left arm and the blood is now drying. Perrie notices what I'm looking at and turns me around so we are now facing each other. 

'Shall we go and get these cleaned up before they get infected', she asks. I just nod. 

Perrie picks me up and carries me into my new ensuite. She delicately takes my arm and starts to dab a warm cotton pad over my 8 cuts. It stings so I flinch and tears fall down my face. Perrie finishes washing my cuts and then leaves the room. Moments later she comes back with a bandage. She carefully places a bandage around my arm and then kisses it. She picks me up and then gives me a hug and whispers, 'everything is okay princess, I promise.'

She picks me up and takes me to her bedroom and puts me in her bed. As my head hits the pillow, I instantly fall asleep.