One of those days

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A month or so later...

Izzy's POV:

It is now the middle of December and I'm really looking forward to Christmas, but I am a little scared as I don't know how it is going to be in my new home. 

Nothing has happened to me recently, I think I am getting on the right track and making massive progress. But mum seems to be struggling.  I hate it when I see mum upset, I try and help but I can never seem to do anything that is helping her. 

Alex's POV:

Recently, I have been working hard trying to get my fitness back from my injury and trying to help around the house. Izzy is doing fine and seems to be enjoying life now. But I can't say the same for my wife, Perrie. Everything has been taking its toll on her and she is really struggling. 

She has had so much work on in the studio, preparing for performances, music videos. and on top of that, she is trying to take care of herself and Izzy. She doesn't need to take care of Izzy all of the time as I am around the majority of the time. However, she insists that she takes her to the studio or wherever location she is that day. Izzy seems to be loving it but I can see the effects that it is having on Perrie. 

Perrie hasn't been sleeping, barely eating and I think she is slipping into her old ways again. This has been exactly what I was worried about before we thought about adopting.

Flashback: months before the adoption

'Perrie, are you ok? you seem very distant and quiet?' I spoke worriedly 

'Um yeah, I'm fine Alex, just work has been hectic and I haven't had a proper chance to sleep. and when I do sleep I can't seem to stay asleep.'

(When Perrie was younger, her step-dad used to be abusive to her which has given her severe nightmares that seem to stay with her. Her family base has been split since Perrie was about 3, her mum and dad split and her new step-dad disliked her and became abusive.)

Flashback over

Perrie POV:

The girls and I had just finished up in the studio. We were now in the car on the way home. Izzy was in her pjs and was cuddled up to me in my lap. Jade was sitting next to me and the others were sitting in front.  I was staring out the window for what felt like hours until my gaze was interrupted by jade calling my name.

'Perrie... Perrie? Are you ok? You seem very distant over the past couple of days'

'Um yes, I'm okay Jade, just struggling a bit, with work and parenting and other....stuff'

'Oh babe, it's okay. But on a serious note what other stuff babes?' Jade asked concerned

'Umm, don't wor-' Perrie said when cut off by Jade

'Perrie, please don't tell me you have been reading hate again? I know the look in your eyes babe.  You are my best friend so I know you' Jade spoke softly 

A tear ran down my cheek and before I knew it I was completely crying. Jesy noticed and picked up Izzy from my lap and cuddled her in her arms. As she did this, Jade moved closer to me and put her arm around me. I felt her warmth and snuggled next to her. I felt a bit at ease but was still quite panicked about what they were all going to think when I tell them the truth. 

About a month ago, I told them I would stop. I said I would get help. But I didn't. I let the hate get to me and I have tried to cover up what I have done.

Before, I knew it we had arrived at my house. As it was late, while at the studio I asked the girls if they wanted to sleep over. They all agreed. 

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