I have a soul

Nine

Trip
After

We were still in Missouri, but we were almost to the Oklahoma border, at least I hoped...
I was getting tired of waiting.
    We passed another sign that made my stomach drop. Wherever we were, it was far from anywhere I wanted to be.
     I wanted to find my brother... wanted to forget this whole bloody existence. Evan had been the goal all along and now... now I just can't seem to get out of this hell hole.
    From Garnett's rumblings, I knew we were heading to a place called province town to get some food and sleep. I was all for that, being hungry enough to eat rocks about now. The problem was the viewpoint the group had gathered on me.
    I was officially the outcast, the wretch of a human being stuck here with nowhere else to go.
which sounded perfect. Even though there was a definitive possibility that I would not be allowed to join them inside province town. I'm the leper they drag around for security, fear, but no one has commented on the fact that I may be human under the skin. 
Warren was a bit better since our bargain was struck, but every time I looked at 10k, my spine stiffened. That bargain was proving to be a royal pain. I'd tell him though, I just needed time.
  It also didn't help that I couldn't sleep. This wasn't a new issue, but it only got worse.
  When I close my eyes, I see, smell things that don't make sense. Like some sort of sick twisted torturing method.
  It's a cruel one too, when you wake up with the scent and taste of tobacco smoke on the back of your tongue and no source anywhere in sight.
  It makes me feel even more crazy, if I wasn't buckets of crazy already.
  10k was an issue too, it's not like I hugged him for a particular reason. I was just desperate, a momentary lapse of judgement. Nor ran from him when he was happy, I just don't want to ruin this brief lapse of... having him nearby again. It's familiar and nice.
  He's been a nice distraction, especially a help looking for Evan too. All things I didn't expect to find in him, but he can't stay forever, and neither can I. That was the worst thought of all too. Worse than the nightmares and I couldn't tell you why.
  The truck coughed to a stop outside of a big prison, fences that made my fingers shake. Zeroes used prisons as outposts... maybe..
  I was relieved that their faces weren't masked, no sign of cartel activity around.
"What's wrong Trip?"
"Prisons are usually held by Zeros, but it looks alright enough," I told Warren.
  I spoke too soon. Which seemed to be a trademark with me lately.
   Garnett was busily talking to a bald man, disagreeing about something and eventually coming to some sort of settlement. The verdict soured my hollow stomach.
  God I was hungry. If I wasn't so tired already, the hunger groans would be more prominent.
"Well, I'm sorry to inform you that to get food and rest we must hand over our weapons until we set off again," Garnett said.
   That was a tough price for some food, but I was afraid I'd start imagining people as wheels of cheese or something.
   I started unbuttoning my vest, going toward the gate entrance. The bald man stopped me as I expected.
"You're not welcome here..." He said.
   I glanced back to Garnett who nodded and my mouth went dry. "But... but, haven't I been useful? Good at all..."
"They don't want a silent inside the walls, 10k or doc will bring you some food. Guard the truck or something."
I kicked the tire, "I'm not a Silent anymore!" I shouted and the whole group went stiff, "but fine, go on. Go on and keep treating me like this. The more of a leper I am to you all... the better."
  10k cleared his throat, "I'll stay out here with you once I bring out some food, just relax ok...?" He whispered close to my ear, giving my arm a reassuring squeeze. Cass's gaze on us confused, all of them in their own way watched the interactions. Mainly because he got me to calm down. My shoulders going slack and I got into the truck.
   At least I got to sit in the truck this time, laying across the back seat, bundled up blankets to act as a pillow.
  10k knocked on the window, looking happier to be back out actually. I opened the door, "god I can't stand not being armed."
I snorted and took a plate of food, forcing myself to eat slow. Bread, god I hadn't had bread in forever.
  "You've been more stressed out than usual Trip, mind telling me why?" He asked.
I glanced over, and couldn't find the words. "I'm just tired, mentally and physically exhausted."  
  " That's a given with the apocalypse Trip, is there..."
"No, that's the reason. There's a memory on the back of my mind about my family I can't remember. I wish I did though, it would make things so much clearer."
That was my chance to come clean, god, what am I doing.
   "You don't talk about anyone but your brothers. What was the rest of your family like?" He asked.
"They didn't give a damn about us," I managed and looked out the window. "I was so jealous of you... the life you got with your dad, your real dad. I never understood why both of my parents couldn't stand me. I hate being a leper because I'm already one to everyone I ever cared about, it ticks me off."
  He didn't say a word and I let my head fall against the blanket roll, "you feel the same as them, don't you?" I asked.
"No... I know you. Well as much as anyone can know you. But it's not you against the whole world. I mean it too."
I glared and he snorted, "you don't look all that menacing so tired. You should try sleeping."
He slid up front, propping his feet up, "I'll keep watch."
"Of course you will," I grumbled, shifting my legs up. "Thanks... for not treating me like a plague," I whispered and he glanced back.
"The real plague is out there, I think you're just fine Trip... just a bit lost in your own head."
I kicked his seat for that and he snorted, "ouch, go to sleep Trip."