Perspective

Anger. Afraid. The Truth.

I've been Angry a lot recently. I have many reasons to be angry. Sometimes I'm angry at myself or angry towards others. It gives me headaches to be such an angry person all the time. People tell  me to relax & to be happy.

Sometimes I even wonder.."What is there to be happy about..?"

It's hard to be happy when you have no one there for you. Yet i do. Yet i push those people away. It kills me that i can be so distant. But my reason for being distant..? I'm afraid. I'm afraid of hurting them. I'm afraid of them truely seeing who i am. & i shouldn't be. When you tell people the truth...They become angry, judgmental, aggravated, or even distant because they don't want to know the truth.

They're so araid to know the truth & i admit i am too at moments.  But i embrace it because it's better to know the truth than live with a lie & suffer & be hurt later.

Like i do everything for a reason. When you ask why i do something you most likely will get an answer back of..."Because I'm Nicholas."  I'm very secure of my thoughts when it gets personal. My reason for being like that...? It's personal.  People say it's good to be open..but i don't like to be TOO open. But i soon find out that holding things back will only hurt you. I held things back & lost someone that i truely loved.  People think I'm outspoken & don't care about what i say... But honestly..? I'm not outspoken..& i do care about what i say. I chooose carefully what i say..may not seem like it.. but trust me.. it's true.

Honestly i don't even know what I'm saying right now .-.

I was upset & decided to finally rant or write something. So a bunch of bulshit came out..

Anyways.... I get off topic too damn easily -_-

The Truth... When you know the truth about someone or something.. You just want to scream it out at the top of your lungs... Yet you're afraid. Of what? I don't know. You could be afraid of that ant O.o or afraid that someone won't like you for telling the turth. But oh well. Not everyone will like you in a life time. You will always have someone that will dislike you but that's okay. That's just a way to know you're not perfect. & it's okay to not be perect. There is NO such thing as perfect. Everyone has flaws or mistakes but that's okay. Another reminder that you're human. 

I even have flaws. A lot of them. I've made many mistakes. I've hurt many people. As long as i learn from those mistakes...I'll be okay. As long as you learn something. You'll be okay. Don't let people bring you down because of your flaws or mistakes. You're growing & learning. It's better to learn from flaws & mistakes. In my opinion...It makes you a stronger person.. 

& if someone hurts you or brings you down.. Don't let that stop you from being you. Learn from it & become stronger.. 

So yeah...I guess I'm done ranting for now....