Pain and Paradox [BXB]

Prologue

 AUTHORS NOTE: 

- We may be adding some changes into the story during the publishing date. Our updates may sporadic, but we will obviously update you guys when we have a constant update schedule! (11/25/2018)

- Updated finally. (Note: we will not read updates and fix stories anymore due to grammar issues, we will deal with that when we complete the story.)

 "Turn to Leviticus, Chapter 20, Verse 13. Let's read it aloud," my father paused before the audience, glaring with a slight grin, then abruptly continuing, "If a man lies with a man as with a woman, they have both committed an abomination. They must surely be put to death; their blood is upon them." His words beamed throughout the ampitheatre, defining the values of marriage in front of Williston's population. He defined this town's rules everyday - beginning at exactly 11:30 AM every Sunday morning.

"Amen!" A few people praised the pastor, waving their bibles in the air. I had always admired my father, he was preaching God's word. God's word was the only true law that defined this city. It was running through our blood from generation to generation. The town was naturally homophobic - hell, even I was. I only realized that this way of life was shit - too shit. I was only 11 when I first saw the offense of God's word.

"Explain t-this...! Murphy Connor Brown, you better speak up before I take those damn words out of your mouth!" His words shook the house. It shook me. My father had confiscated my older brother's phone and had managed to find some "concerning" photos.

"I-I can explain! I was hammered last night, it was stupid and dumb... Please, I didn't really mean it!" Murphy frantically tried to explain to my father, but Father refused to listen. He turned away, walking out of the kitchen.

"How could you do this to our family?! Do you understand the burden you just placed on us?! Get away from us you sick freak!"

J.R. flamed at Murphy, despite only being a year older than me, damn, he was really pissed. "What the hell man?! You're the son of the pastor, how could you, out of all people be gay?!" He turned away. We all turned away. The town turned away from him. They'd just left him in the dust so quickly. Word spread fast, and his senior year was shit. He has just turned 18 a few months ago, which meant that my parents could kick him out, easy. I just stood and watched, feeling sorrow for my older brother as he wept over the floor, but at the same time feeling disgusted. How did a sinner get into our family?

"You have 30 minutes to get the hell out," my father paused, "and if you aren't out by then, I will call the police. And you know how the hell they'll act when they find out about your gay ass. Forget about me paying your tuition, I'm done with you. I'll cut all your bank accounts so that you won't be leeching on my money anymore. Pack it up, faggot."

Those words seared into Murphy's brain, his eyes straining, his hands pulling at his hair. "How could you do this to me?! 18 years for nothing? Come on J.R.! I've been a great older brother to you. You can't do this to me!" J.R. gave him a cold turn and walked to his room, slamming the door. He turned towards me, and I didn't know what to do. I ran. I wanted to forget all of this. I wanted to forget losing my brother, I wanted to forget it all. Nobody spoke for the next few days.

Despite being homophobic, I still missed my brother. I missed playing basketball with him in the driveway on our Saturdays, or when he brought us out to the ice cream parlor. It wasn't fair to him, me, or anyone. God wants everyone to live happily, but what's his word if it leads to pain - pain like this? God tells everyone to be forgiving and to love everyone equally. Hell, my father is the pastor of this town and did this? He managed to pivot into hating my brother completely. Where is God's word now...?

It had been 6 years later. I had managed to forget my older brother, erasing him from my life and forgetting that he ever existed. Sometimes I wonder where he did end up. Is he okay? Is he dead? Does he still remember us? Hell, I'm 17. I have so many better things to think about: graduation, college, drugs, alcohol, basketball, girls. Except that last one. I realized that I wasn't heterosexual, or attracted at all to women in Sophmore Year. Geez, sure everyone was getting more mature, but guys were just really fucking hot. I mean sure, women were curvy and all that shit, but really, damn, guys really got it going. Honestly, I just find girls to be nasty. I learned this when I met Matthew Campbell in sophmore year. We've been friends for around 3 years now, and shit, he's just really beautiful. A fucking hot stallion. I learned that I just had to accept who I am and that the way you love isn't a choice, it's who you love. I've learned to live with it for now and just hoped that I could survive until college. Notre Dame was my dream - their basketball program was hella good.

Places like Indiana were really accepting to the LGBT+ community, especially the city areas. Sure, it wasn't as liberal as some other states, but it's better than North Dakota. It's miserable here, having to live in a heavily Christian town where what my dad preaches is law. It had its benefits, being able to be the epitome of the church. Everyone considered me to be charismatic and worth knowing. Good looking, fit, and "straight" I was brown-haired, a subtle fade cut, with the apex of my hair forming some sort of ice cream curl. I had what was considered to be a deep, emerald green eye color, a sharp jawline, and pretty muscular. It was with this combination of features that effectively hid my homosexuality. I looked straight, like, really straight. So straight that my aura might be turning other people straight. I don't know. But there's this one thing that I've wanted to bad in my life. Can that aura turn me straight..?