Insight into the Mind of Mine

Chapter 1: Slow-Boiled Start

I'm going to begin this journal of sorts with me in middle school. I will start at the end of eighth grade year to give you a reasonable perspective. Middle school, what a melting pot. I went to middle school in a little town in Ohio called Dover. After three years of being in the school we all basically knew one another. We knew who we hated, we knew who was cool, and we established ourselves into our little groups full of likewise thinking people. Looking back at my middle school career and eighth grade in specific, I really really changed. I know that is what the main point of middle school is, but I feel as though that's really when my problems started. I was hanging out with an interesting crowd. There was a really thin little guy named Sam, a strange one named Cole, a psychopathic one named Cameron, and a brash but thoughtful one named Nathan. For better or for worse they were my friends. Eventually this ended up breaking up, but that is for later.  Right now I would like to talk about my first real relationship. There was this girl named Gabby that I was infatuated with. We had a prior history because we had shortly dated for about a week the previous year. We only broke up because the psychopath that I talked about pretended to be me on this app called Kik and started calling her all of these mean and nasty things for some reason. I asked him why he did it, and for a lack of better words, he basically said "because I wanted to." Normally people would be mad at something like that, but for some reason I wasn't. I can't explain as to why I was not angry, but I was definitely sad. I was sad because I thought that I lost a girl I could have actually hit it off with. It would have been my first real relationship. I'll explain the meaning behind "real" a little later. But anyways, time went on, and I was still hung up on this girl. I thought she hated me because of what Cameron did, I was convinced that she thought of me as dirt. That all changed at my friend's birthday party that year. It was May, and my friend who is also named Cameron (to reduce confusion this Cameron will be known as Cameron J.) held a birthday party at his house where Gabby had been invited. At the party, her and I got to talking, and eventually arrived at the Kik debacle. I explained the situation to her, and she looked at me and said, "I didn't think that was you saying those things." To be honest I was a little surprised that she didn't think it was me, we had only talked for a week as a couple, and I didn't think that she would pick up on something like that so quick. But we basically stayed glued to each other that whole party. A few days after the party is when we ended up getting together. Cameron J. had given her my number and we had talked for a bit until we decided to get back together. I was very nervous. I had never been in a real relationship before, so I had to feel it out in my awkward and ignorant middle schooler way. Ah yes, you are still probably wondering about this "real" relationship thing. Well, I technically had a girlfriend back in sixth grade, but ya know, it was more of a friend thing. Like we didn't hug or kiss or anything, we were just like, "Yeah, we are dating I guess." It was more of a bragging right then anything; it was something we go to our friends with just to rub it in their faces. God, we were so fucking dumb back then, and that is the time in life when you think you are all that and a bag of chips. Oh, and get this, the reason we broke up is because I supposedly "ignored" her. This "ignoring" happened because she would load up my voicemail with messages and not get a response because I hadn't set up my voicemail on my phone because I had just gotten it. What was funny about this whole ordeal was how she shunned me up until my sophomore year in high school, and also how I didn't listen to her 76 recorded voice mails until my junior year in high school. Back to my new relationship though. I had no clue what I was in for with my relationship with Gabby.