Reality of Love

What if it ends?

The worst part of it all is knowing it could end. Marriage, marriage to me is an out of this terrifying stress. You are stuck thinking "it could end, it could all end". Have you ever wondered why though this sudden fear has come up? Have you ever questioned where it has come from?

What if the reason this is coming up is actually because there is a problem you are looking past?

I learned the hard way with this one... Really hard. You see when you are in love you tend to look past so much more than you really ever should. You even begin to ignore the honesty of your friends but it isn't wrong you just know the truth as to why you love that person so much. But what if you are looking past so much more than you really should be. For me I looked past the biggest thing; he didn't actually love me. I looked past it with excuses left and right. I lied to myself for the worst reason. You know what that reason was? Love. 

Love makes you happy it builds you to be the person you want to be because you have a new motive to become  who you want to be. You want that person to love you for who you truly are as a person and if you don't feel happy with yourself it motivates you to work towards want you want for yourself. This goes back the the fact that you will give them everything you can because you are giving them who you are as an entirety. For me it was rare to give someone my all. It was even more rare for me to express so much love for someone, but when you are in love you truly do become the person you want to become. For me I became loving and caring. For someone else they can become logical with the things that upset in order to not push the one they love away. We all change in someone that makes us know we love them. 

But we lie to ourselves as well. Maybe you look past how you aren't spending as much time together anymore, maybe you looked past how little they smiled with you anymore, maybe you ignored some of their most annoying habits, maybe you let them call you name because "they only would say those things when they were mad and then take them back when they weren't mad anymore. You look past a lot; I looked past a lot, but for what?

When they don't laugh at your old jokes you feel a sting, you will start to wonder "what did I do? did I upset them? They don't respond as frequently as they used to " maybe they are just comfortable with me and feel that they don't have to say as much?" What ever assumption you come up with there is an answer that you truly need to get from them. They shouldn't have you giving them the excuses they could use to hide their true feelings. Don't give them the answers they don't actually have because a lot of the time you will be wrong about how they truly feel.

I gave myself these excuses, these putrid lies that kept a one sided relationship going for a lot longer than it should have. Love is a complicated creature, trust me on that, but it isn't ever going to lie to you.