Always and forever and in between

Chapter 5

The sudden sense of loneliness surrounded him; Nathan closed his eyes for a second, and clenched his jaw, hoping to dull the pounding ache in his heart. He himself didn't know how it happened, but he knew that one second, everyone was falling at his feet in worship, the next they despised every move he made, he was slowly becoming his father and soon enough nothing would stop him from achieving his dream, it wouldn't matter how many necks he stepped on. Nathan shuddered; becoming his father might have been one of his worst nightmares. Jerk. He heard Haley's voice in his head again, and Nathan willed it away, she was absolutely right. He deserved it and more. Then another wave of guilt hit him, once he and Haley actually sat down and talked, she was gentle and understanding, she didn't judge him for who he was, in fact when she had called him a jerk earlier, Nathan saw more care in her eyes, than he ever saw from any of his friends. She was amazing, and he was taking advantage of it, her heart was pure, he really wished it wasn't, because he knew in his soul that hurting Haley in any form was not only out of the question, but an unbearable thought.

Nathan took in his surroundings; the ocean was as obsidian black as the starless sky, making it impossible to see a horizon, a fresh breeze carried the smell of the ocean right over to him and over on the dock he could see Haley standing. His spirits already lifted. Nathan felt a tug towards her.

Strutting over there, she was looking at the waves crashing on shore with an absent-minded expression, her hair blowing in wind under the ridiculous hat, she was wearing.

"I thought you left"

Haley turned her head startled, realizing it was Nathan she sighed "Yeah, uhh, I tried to, the stupid cab never got here"

"Well, I am glad you stayed" said Nathan genuinely "I wanted to thank you for holding back"

She looked mockingly apprehensive for a beat "What do you mean?"

"Jerk is pretty tame" he explained with a smile, and she huffed out a laugh "you could have called me a lot worse"

Haley bowed her head, giving another small laugh, and his face broke into a grin. Nathan continued "probably deserved it"

"Look I have been thinking a lot about this tutoring thing" she started and Nathan felt his heart drop "I am sorry, I just don't think it's a good idea"

"Because of Lucas" he stated, moving next to her.

"Obviously, yeah, I don't know what I was thinking; there is no good that could come out of this"

"Really?" jeered Nathan bitterly "thought I saw you guys fighting back there"

"Meaning what, that I should keep tutoring you to stick it to him?" Nathan laughed half-heartedly, looking down, way to make him feel worse about himself "maybe that's how they do things in Nathan land but I am not gonna do that to my best friend"

"Maybe you are doing me a favor then"

"What does that mean?" said Haley with a frown.

"Sometimes I think it would be easier if I got kicked off the team" he confessed "especially with my dad"

Nathan looked into her eyes seemingly hurt but Haley couldn't say anything, just blinked at him, knowing in her heart that he needed someone to comfort him, she stopped her hand before it could reach out for his and averted from the subject quickly "I should go find Lucas" she said, jumping from her place on the railing "just try and smooth things over"