Always and forever and in between

Chapter 11

Art has always been Peyton's thing, ever since her mother passed away, music and drawing were forms of expression; when she and Nathan started dating, she made a portrait of him, head bowed demurely, worried furrow lines creasing his forehead with their necklace in hand. That was the way he presented it to her, still so unsure, in the first stages of their relationship and incredibly shy, the photo was drawn with a charcoal pencil, in black and white, except for his eyes; which she colored a soft blue. Then over time, Nathan had changed, Dan Scott really had an effect, eventually the adorable selfless playful guy she fell for turned into a pompous jerk who only cared for himself, their first breakup she cried a lot, their second one, she tore up the portrait and burned it, their third breakup she punched a wall and had to be rushed to the ER for breaking a knuckle. Time after time, they broke up and made up, the only good thing becoming them sleeping together at that point, which though fervent; held nothing of the intimacy it did before, there wasn't any emotional connection; he didn't even notice the sketches she put on her walls, each one telling a different story of her life.

She stroked her brush over a canvas, all covered in black, Peyton moved the brush with furious speed.

Nathan knocked on her bedroom door and softly asked: "What do you call that?"

"Love, what do you want, Nathan?"

As he expected, she was still beyond pissed at him. He a careful step closer and said "It's what I don't want, I don't want this for us"

"Maybe you should've thought of that sooner"

"Yeah, I know" said Nathan calmly, moving even closer, fiddling with his hand; a habit of his when nervous "I have been thinking about how we were when we started going out. Like that day at Rhysfield beach. The nights here in your room"

Feeling her resolve wavering, Peyton turned towards him semi-sharply and retorted: "We haven't been that way for a long time"

"We could be, come on Peyton, I have been thinking about you. I know you have been thinking about me"

"I have actually had a lot going on lately" she answered a little dismissively and proudly.

'Yeah, me too, my dad's been growing crazy about this father/son game, and my mom, it's like ever since she came back she's been wanting to hang out"

"I really can't hear this right now" snapped Peyton

Nathan faltered for a beat, and then said:" alright, well, how about you come to the game? Maybe we can hang out afterwards"

He felt exiled from any territory of intimacy as Peyton turned her back on him, a final plea was in order so he wouldn't lose every shred of affection he had in his life; so he moved behind her, close to the girl's ear and said: "I miss you, Peyton" then with a sad smile added "see you there" then he walked away.

Peyton picked up the brush and threw a little blue on the black, it didn't change the painting one bit of course, she sighed, knowing that Nathan Scott held a place deep in her heart; she just knew it wasn't the place he used to hold.