Forever a Two Player Game | a Boyf Riends fanfiction

Ch 3 | Michael

✽This chapter has a trigger warning for about the first third✽

(If you would like to skip it, go to where it says "the next morning")

~Michael's POV~

As I drove home from Jeremy's house, I thought about us in my basement. I thought I would be happy that I finally kissed my crush, but I just don't feel satisfied. "God, I can never feel satisfied!" I thought as I thought about my pathetic little self. Maybe it's because of my fear of being rejected by him, but I couldn't help but think that the drugs must have made him kiss me back, and not his actual feelings. I turned on the radio to try and get out of my mind, and a certain song just happened to be playing. It was "All By Myself," and tears started to roll down my face.

~A couple of sad minutes~

I finally make it home. I opened the door with my key. Nobody was home, but I was used to that by now. It's probably better that my moms aren't home. They don't know that I'm gay, and I don't know why I can't tell them. It's not like I can't trust them. It's not that they would be mad. They're gay themselves, for crying out loud!

I can't possibly tell them about my pain though. I can't bear to go to another fucking therapist. They never help me, they always make it worse. "What do you think is making you sad recently?" Well I don't fucking know, why don't you try figuring out what's wrong with me, that's your job, isn't it!?

It's probably why I started cutting.

I made my way to my bedroom and curled into a ball on my bed, my eyes stinging from the tears. I haven't cried this much since Jeremy was blocking me out. I always seem to cry after something with Jeremy happens. I just couldn't handle the pain of crying another second. I wanted more, I needed a satisfaction to finish off my pain.

That's when cutting became my only option. You kinda can't tell your crush all the pain you've been going through, so why not hide it with a red hoodie. I know it seems terrible but...... well, I don't have any excuse. Why am I like this? I'm such a whiny little bitch. That's when it all went downhill.

I feel like such a fucking idiot, the pain starts filling me, and the only way to satisfy myself is to start cutting. My wrists are pretty messed up already, so my hoodie has become my closest companion in recent times

I finally get up. I go to the private bathroom that is connected to my bedroom. My moms never come in here so I never have the problem of explaining the blood on the floor to them. My bathroom floor was gray carpet, but now it's the color of all my pains. I never try cleaning it up. Except for the first time that it happened.

I opened my little box on the corner of the sink, seeing the bandage wrappings only made the tears and pain worsen. I pull it all out and underneath, there it is, my glorious razor. I quickly pull it out, place it on the counter and stop a moment. The tears started flowing down my face faster and I resumed the process. I opened the bottom drawer, pulling out my knife sharpener. I grabbed the razor, seeing my hands shaking with what left I had of my vision. Everything always goes dark in these moments, and it's not like the tears help much with it either.

With the razor in my left and the knife sharpener in my right, I started slowly sharpening the razor, speeding up quickly as I got impatient. "Shit! I just want the pain now!!" I thought as I sharpened it maliciously.

When I finally was satisfied with the sharpness, I placed the knife sharpener down. I had the razor in my hand as I pulled up my sleeve. I could see the hell I unleashed on my arm that was covered by the bandage. My hands shaking worse by the second. When looking down at my arm it makes the tears pour more. I pull off the bandage slowly. I could feel myself asking for the pain, but my hands wouldn't move any faster to take off the bandage.