Rebellious to Rejection *Young Writers Prize*

Rebellious to Rejection

You can never really tell what people who are depressed actually go through, or the battles that they face. The sadness, the pain, and loneliness is unbearable. I just so happened to be one of those depressed people in the world... well I use to be one. I didn’t know the difference between everything as all those things just didn’t seem to matter as I really only focused my attention on the feelings churning inside of me.

 

“So how are you today Alana?” My therapist asked, gazing up at me over her spectacles.

 

“The same as any other day.”

 

I was a patient believed to be fighting some inner battle. The real reason though… I couldn’t face what really happened that day. The day my little group of friends decided to go out to a party, the day I was designated as the driver. The truth was I was the cause of their deaths, my friends lives slipped before me as I took my eyes off the road for two seconds.

 

To be honest that was all it took for the car to swerve. All it took for us to go into a three-sixty, taking out another car along with us. I faced the consequences everyday of my actions, riding down that little street where the tire marks are still forever marked into the pavement, where the last images of my happy friends met their doom.

 

“I think your friends wouldn’t blame you for the accident,” she sighed.

 

“Well I wouldn’t know that considering that they are all dead now.”

 

I felt like it was yesterday; I walked around school still receiving pity filled looks as I would slowly drag myself to my classes, everyday seeing the empty chairs of my deceased friends. Countless times I considered taking myself out of the world, hoping to escape the misery that I live in everyday. I guess that is why you would call people depressed…

 

The whole situation got to the point where I would have nightmares every night, soon it got to the point where sleeping wasn’t even an option anymore. Eating… that was something you enjoy; how could I possibly enjoy eating when my friends can’t? Therapy only started when my parents came in to see me holding a knife in my hands with tears pouring out of my eyes- a moment of weakness.

 

“Maybe you need a change of scenery, get away from all of these bad memories!” the lady suggested excitedly like she just figured out the solution to a extremely difficult situation. Well I was a difficult situation.

 

So here I was riding in the passenger seat of my mother’s beat up, old mini van. Today I was starting my first day at a new school, Luke Lake High, home of the howling wolves… located in a little town with a population of about a thousand people. My parents were all for the ‘whole change in scenery’ thing and quickly found a home far away from the state of Florida. This place happened to be up where there were rarely any warm days, trees everywhere, and wild animals roaming up and down the sides of roads.

 

“You nervous about this being your first day at a new school?” my mother questioned with a small smile on her face. She was testing to see if I was actually out of the depressed state I was in only a few months ago. I told them after we finally moved away from Florida and into our new town that suddenly it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders… she of course was still a little cautious.