Que Será Será

She Liked Me Back Because She Felt Sorry For Me (2015)

Like most on the list, although I met Sarah in 2011 when we did our first show at the community theatre, our story begins during Grease in 2015. We formed the Sexy Six, and the closeness of everyone made me gravitate towards Sarah. Although we were all close, it was me, Lucas (I don't like guys for obvious reasons), Isabelle (my go-to friend. I never wanted to ruin that. I just never like-liked her), Christen (a good friend, but I never saw her in that light. I didn't mind the current status we had), Annabeth (my sister. No thanks), Sarah, and myself. I didn't know a whole lot about Sarah, and looking at it in retrospect, I don't think I liked her more than I wanted to. She was nice to me and gave me attention. I guess I became slightly infatuated to her and I spazzed out about it (as usual).

I have the tendency to panic once some girl shows me the smallest amount of attention. Not that I assume they all like me, but because I know so little about how to talk to them and I don't want to blow it. It's pretty sad, truly. I don't know why I'm like this.

I remember one time during the show when Sarah came over to the house for a little bit. She was best friends with Annab, even before the Six. So, they hung out, but she came into my room and next thing I knew we were both lying on my bed looking at each other's eyes. Talking about it is weird, especially when I say we didn't kiss or bang or touch or anything. We just looked at each other.

The way I see it, sometimes moments like that can be intimate, too. Sometimes, you can learn about someone you love (or like-like, in this case) just by looking at them. You don't necessarily need to play tonsil hockey or have sex to have a special moment. Sometimes, you looking at each other can make a man go crazy. It happened to me.

What I'd give to lie in bed with Faith and just lose myself in her eyes...

That moment is probably what catalyzed my crush. The unexplainable and impromptu staring contest on my bed? What else could it mean?

Near the end of the show, right before the performances started rolling in, I was telling Lucas how "bad" I wanted to be with her. I asked him if I should tell her how I felt. For some reason, I felt like Facebook messaging her mom was not ideal, so just telling her flat out might be a better alternative. He encouraged me to dive in, and so I did. After we finished the prom scene, I was talking to my character's prom date, Jana. I was really nervous about telling her how I felt and Jana gave me the best advice. She told me that if I waited, I'd always be waiting for the right time and the right time will never come. Little did I know, it turned out that she actually had a huge crush on me. Yikes!

I went backstage, and Sarah was right there. It was time. I said:
"I don't know how you feel, but I like-like you. You have pretty hair and eyes and I just want to spend my life in your arms. Okay?" (15 year-old me was quite dramatic, alright?)

She threw a curveball at me when she said "me, too."

That's never happened. I was speechless. I probably made a loud, undescribable sound in response, but I was not expecting that answer. I was expecting rejection. I always expect rejection.

She said after we giggled and got all cute and excited, "what about Annabeth?" But I was too over-the-moon. I replied with a dismissive "we'll work it out. She'll understand."

Funnily enough, we didn't date. We never did. We just liked each other and told everyone. We walked around in a pair, but we didn't kiss, go on dates, or make it official. It just didn't happen.

This is what makes me doubt how I really felt about her. I would've made sure we had that title there and that we were spending every minute together memorable. This was different.

After Grease ends, The Little Mermaid begins. The Sexy Six is still alive and active, though it probably shouldn't have been. The Six faded away after my portrayal of Prince Eric, though. Some big school stuff was happening, like sophomore year. Like I said, big changes.

Along with the Six dying, so did the "Jarah" possibility (that's what the Six called us. It was awful). I don't know what happened. It just faded, and it's not like we ghosted each other. We were still very active in the theatre, and did numerous shows together. We just faded into friends again, and that was fine for me.

I did end up kissing her, though. When we did Hairspray for my last big bang, she was Amber, Link's girlfriend at the start of the show. We had to kiss in the script, and the director made it clear there would be no stage kisses. It wasn't a passionate make-out scene, but it was enough to make 15 year-old me proud.

We did some reminiscing during Hairspray, and it was more like telling ghost stories - they downright made us uncomfortable. There's nothing more scarier than who you used to be years ago.

I mentioned Sexy Six, she mentioned the Isabelle Feud™, I mentioned Grease, and she mentioned us. She said "I remember telling you that I liked you back because I felt bad for you."

And then I knew. It was too good to be true that someone actually liked me back. There was no way. I should've known that it was just a lie.

But I didn't care. Sarah was still my good friend, and she taught me something. She taught me that there is beauty and something special in looking into each other's eyes.