Que Será Será

She Was The Cutest Apple I've Seen (2017)

((surprise author's note! Apologies for the god-awful drawing, it was a really low resolution image. I can't excuse for my skills, but I'll apologize anyways.))

I had many, many inside jokes between my friends and myself, and I tend to post pictures on social media making references to those inside jokes, and only a certain few know what in God's name I'm talking about.

In this case, I posted a picture me and the rest of the Yearbook Staff in our Spirit week costumes (it was decade day, or something? I don't remember). I captioned it, "George Strait Fan Club."

Disclaimer: It wasn't actually a fan club. We joked that our yearbook advisor formed the yearbook staff just to talk about George Strait, and thus, the fan club. That's the inside joke.

Not a lot of people got it, but the staff thought it was comedy gold.

What surprised me was a Direct Message I got a couple hours later. It was some girl from another school in the county. She'd been following my account but I've never seen her or noticed. She was a year younger than me, and was absolutely adorable. According to her Instagram profile, she was incredibly active in the Future Farmers of America (FFA).

As a city boy, I nearly puked. I don't hate people who like farming, but it isn't my speed.

Her name was Liz.

She messaged me:

"I love George Strait!"

Being nice, I told her it was an ongoing joke. I didn't know her, and I although I didn't want to engage conversation, I didn't want to be rude. She was nice and cute, after all.

It turns out, she kept the conversation very much alive and soon enough, it seemed like we were flirting. It was nice, playful, harmless flirting.

We went back and forth, getting to know each other, when we decide to lurk each other's profiles. She finds some old and gross pictures I forgot to take down, and I find the Holy Grail of old Instagram posts.

There's a picture of her in a bright red apple suit. I didn't know they existed, but surely it does and her ear-to-ear smile made a fruit attractive. It was funny, of course, but it was also cute.

She explained that she volunteered for some fundraiser that was apple-themed or something. I forgot.

I did my best to hold off on the apple jokes in our conversations.

I forgot how it came up, but when the time came around, I decided to ask her out to prom. It was senior year, and since the previous year's fiasco didn't let me make a creative poster about it, I figured this year would be the year to do it.

Luckily, I knew her school's theatre teacher. She was one of the directors at the community theatre. To spend the day there, I asked my school if I could job shadow at that school. They accepted, because the people in the office at my high school loved me. So I was able to spend the day at Liz's school, following one of my directors, hanging with my theatre friends that went to that school. It was a good day, and everyone helped me set out my master promposal plan.

I had a poster that said "Liz, you're the 'apple' of my eye" and many apples spread out on the stage that spelled "prom?" with the dot of the question mark being that apple picture of her. I was very pleased with it, and the people who helped agreed.

I had a friend of mine retrieve Liz, and she walked in, full FFA uniform, and was stunned (also note that this was the first time we saw each other in person. It was all direct messages before that day). She said yes, and we celebrated with lunch together in the cafeteria. I was so pumped. I'd get to know this super cute girl during senior prom. It was new, away from the same-old same-old at my school. I texted all my buddies and posted everywhere at how lucky I got. I even thanked George Strait for the opportunity. Everything was nice.

Roughly two weeks later, I get a snapchat message. Liz.

"I have a dale mama."

I'm incredibly confused. I had never heard of a Dale Mama but I assumed it wasn't good. After sounding the phrase out multiple times, I realized she had a dilemma, and it wasn't just English class.

It turned out, after she said yes to my promposal, she also said yes to her ex's.

She had the idea to spend the first half of the night over at my school's prom, and then would head over to her school's and finish the night with her ex.

I knew it wouldn't end well from the start, and after realizing where I stood in our relationship, I gave her up. I told her to go with him. She felt truly bad because she already made a commitment to me but then was sweet-talked back into their old relationship.

I told her I'd be fine.

I lied.

I went to my senior prom alone, and I was closed off from all my friends. They had their own groups and I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. No one wanted to talk to me. They only noticed me when I did dumb dance moves on the dance floor. It was one of the worst nights of my life.

My "best" friends grouped up for a picture of everyone in their suits and dresses. Faith was there, too.

I got in because I was "in" the conversation, but couldn't relate because I didn't go to church with them and didn't hang out with them after school.

On Instagram, that same picture was posted three times. I posted one, and two others posted it, but cropped me out and didn't tag me in it, either. I wanted to kill myself. I had never been hit that hard by the people I had most cared about.

I had did everything I could to make best friends (since elementary school!), and I was...erased. Forgotten.

The saddest thing is, they'd still do that to me...to this day. Nobody really cared about me, I was just that funny guy from the theatre, yearbook, and school broadcasts.

After I graduated, everyone vanished.

Liz vanished.

Some days, I wish I could.

Some days, I want to be cropped out from this world.

Some days, I just don't know what to do.