Que Será Será

She Asked Me Out To Homecoming Via Folded Note (2016)

This is a tale of Foreshadowing ™. This tale's lesson is very apparent, and it also struck my mind that maybe all of these stories have lessons somewhere in there.

Also, keep in mind that this story isn't necessarily about me having a crush and getting romantically destroyed, but moreso how someone having a toxic crush on me can have an affect on the crushee.

Nicole was a freshman when I was a junior, so the only class we had together was theatre and Spanish, but I saw her outside of classes, too. She did a couple shows at the community theatre. She's more of a Broadway freak than I am, but it was nice knowing I wasn't the only theatre lover at that agricultural center of a school. We talked about certain shows we like, ones we'd like to do, and the upcoming ones at the community theatre. So, we were good friends.

Interesting tidbit about me: I love touching. Not in the sexual way, but I love hugs and hand holding and whatnot. Even with friends, I love hugs. So there's that. Sometimes I fear that the hugs and cuddling I give gets rubbed the wrong way.

This is that kinda story.

We technically met at my little sister's middle school play, but we didn't talk much. The little amount we did talk, it was really awkward. We barely knew each other.

Then, I saw her at the community theatre. We were doing The Little Mermaid. I was Prince Eric and she was either Flotsam or Jetsam. We didn't talk much during the show, either, but I was too preoccupied with The Sexy Six or my role.

I really got to know her during my theatre class. She has been acting for a long time and at a really young age. She was someone I wanted to be close with, being on of the very few who I knew from the theatre and school. I befriended her, and we got pretty close. We made a code word when the other person went too far and feelings were being hurt: Muffin Man. Don't ask me how or why this came into play, but it did.

We both Muffin Man'd often, because our sense of humor often clashed. It was mostly me going too far. I like to tease other people and she clearly wasn't one who enjoyed that.

After a little bit, she started getting short with me. We disagreed many, many times, and she began losing her patience. She would get snippier on the things we didn't agree on, and one time she even shouted "You don't get to say that to me." in the most skin-crawling-yet-embarrassing-in-front-of-my-friends tone imaginable. The whole table stopped talking and they focused in on what was happening.

To be honest, I didn't know what was happening, either.

From what I could conclude, it seemed she was developing a crush on me. Now, I didn't believe this one bit, and even to this day, parts of me doubts that she ever did. My friends and sisters that knew her kept trying to match us together, and at times, so did she. She would be completely fun and playful and then switch like that, and next thing I knew I was getting chewed out for something I didn't do.

It was very difficult to remain friends, considering I couldn't have a conversation with her without risking a lecture.

After careful consideration (and watching 500 Days of Summer), I thought that maybe she liked the idea of me rather than my actual self. She created a version of me in her head. She made him perfect, and set the standard high, and when Jud in real life didn't meet those impossible standards, that's when the lecture came. Now, this may be totally wrong, but this is what my best guess is.

So that went on for a while, which was not fun. Trying to create space between someone who doesn't want to give up is quite the challenge.

One day, we were in class (probably theatre), when she hands me a folded-up piece of paper. I unfolded it, and it read:

I may not be Katherine (Broadway reference);

And you may not be Jack Kelly (another Broadway reference);

But will you go to Homecoming with me?

Okie Dokey Annie Oakley (inside joke)?

My stomach churned after reading the poem. It's not that I didn't want to go, or that I didn't want to go with her, or that I was asked via paper, but instead it was all of them combined.

I made up an excuse and copped out. It was sad. I felt guilty, even though it was a totally normal and humane way to decline. I wasn't even involved in a relationship with her, and it still hurt me. I felt like crap.

Soon enough, she got the hints. We went our separate ways.

I had senior theatre with her, but we still didn't talk much then. Even when she was clearly over me, I just never really had an urge to talk to her. I know it sounds selfish and awful, please forgive me.

Fast forward, after I graduated, and started work at the daycare, the church holds a pageant. It wasn't directed through the church, but someone rented the gym (or something like that? I don't know) to put on the pageant. I was going about my day, getting money and migraines when one of my coworkers came up to me while we were upstairs and asked, "Who is that girl down there waving at you?" When I looked down, it was HER. She was smiling and waving at me from downstairs. She saw me before I saw her. She was over by the gym where the pageant was being held, when I remember that her mom was heavily involved in the pageant business. I wanted to avoid her, to be totally honest. I could smell the awkwardness looming in that conversation. I needed to get out of there. I wanted to stay, but they were closing up shop upstairs, and everyone had to make their way downstairs. Or, at least I thought so.

I was ready to zoom past the gym and out the door, when I see her outside the gym, next to the exit. She was greeting people, including me. There was no way out. I had to face her and the inevitable. I saw her go in the gym, and I knew that was my chance. I zip past the gym, turn into the ramp, and wait for my ride to get there. 

I sat in the corner, on my phone, thinking about all the times she embarrassed me or infuriated me. I kept thinking about all the Muffin Mans that I was gonna say to her.

I was almost in the clear, when she peeks the corner and finds me. She asks me what I'm doing there, and I brush it off with a "I'm just waiting on my ride."

Just as I predicated, it was really, really, awkward. It felt like we were back at my little sister's school play: we barely knew each other. She asked:

"Why are you working at a daycare? You hate kids."

"What? No, I don't."

"You told me you hated kids."

"I never said that."

"Okay.."

Silence. Trust me, it was a conversation all of us wanted to avoid. She even said:

"I haven't seen you in forever. I just don't know what to say."

"Yeah."

UGGGHHH HOW DO YOU RESPOND TO THAT?

Anyways, my ride swooped in and saved me from slamming my head into a wall. That was the last time I've talked to Nicole. I don't regret meeting her, but I also don't regret the distance we currently have. I'll let her live her life, so long as she lets me live mine.