The Acceptance

Chapter 3: With You!

After months of elevator pleasantries and passing conversation you broke rank and decided to take the lead. You suggested we get coffee together and before I could suggest heading to the staff tea room, you cut me off adding that you thought the little café on the corner would be a nice change of scenery and how you loved their muffins.

I reluctantly agreed, unsure of myself and how I was going to maintain conversation for an extended period.

As we walked the short distance to the café you maintained the conversation while I silently dreaded what was to come, I was going to make a fool of myself and this, whatever this between us was, would be over. Silently I came to terms with the fact that my little infatuation would be nothing more and rightly so, I was a fish out of water and frankly I didn't even know if you liked me, let alone liked me that way.

We soon arrived and ironically neither of us drank coffee, so we ordered tea, Earl Gray for you and Chamomile for me and you didn't order a muffin. We sat in a dark corner in the back at your suggestion and waited. You watched me intently while I avoided your gaze and fiddled with the packets of sweetener on the table, until finally our drinks arrived and you broke the silence.

"Why are you so nervous?" You asked. I replied with a shrug as a slight blush spread across my cheeks. I felt as though you were staring right through me and disarming me with your gentle gaze. I had never felt so exposed and consciously fought the urge to run and hide.

"Sorry, I don't mean to be so... forward, but I feel like with you I need to be. You don't really talk much, with me I mean. I've seen you around and you always seem like you could talk underwater, but not with me." You chuckled nervously before turning your attention to your teacup.

I didn't know how to reply to that. You had seen me around. You had noticed me! I'm sure at that point a smile spread across my face and I looked like a grinning fool but I couldn't have cared less.

"It's not you. I... I think you're nice." I began with my eyes glued to the tabletop. "It's just that I'm not good with new people and all that. I never really have been." Your smile beamed at me in response and with that the ice was broken, and we talked until our drinks were done, and we had to return to work, and return we did but not before agreeing to meet again the following day.

Our rendezvous was the first of many and eventually it became a daily occurrence. It was as if there was a silent agreement that we would meet at the same time, at the same table, in dark corner in the back, to talk over tea. With time, we grew closer, gleaning insights into each other from our short time together. We discussed everything and nothing all at the same time, and the irrelevant became essential knowledge as infatuation fueled my curiosity. You quickly became a permanent fixture in my life's landscape and I could feel myself falling harder for you with each passing day. Being with you made me happier than I could remember being, even if I wasn't with you.

I often wondered about your choice in seating but cowardly never asked in fear that it would fracture the fragile harmony that surrounded us. My logical thoughts suggested that it was prime positioning for optimum privacy; however the insecure, malevolent side of me whispered darkly that it was because you were ashamed of me, as I should be ashamed of myself. I often fought with myself over the shame I felt. I knew that all we were doing was talking, but that didn't stop me from feeling like the awkward teenager struggling to balance the number of males to females on her walls. I yearned to tell someone of how you made me feel, surely people had noticed the change, but what would I say?

To their knowledge I was straight, and we were just friends; and we were just friends but to me it meant so much more. I couldn't, no I wouldn't define why that was because I was terrified of the implications. If we were more than just friends then I would have to confront what I had been successfully hiding for years... my sexuality