Cut To Pieces [Complete]

Doubt

I had no doubt Michael was my best friend. No doubt that I was happiest when around the four boys who had jumped into my life just when I needed them. I had no doubt that we got along perfectly. This morning I had no doubt that I wanted to be next to Michael Clifford for the rest of my life, but now I was having every doubt about exactly in what sense I had meant that. The moment of prolonged eye contact with Ashton not two minutes ago had flipped my view on my new life upside down and made me realise just how much of a naïve teenager I had become, no matter how hard I had tried not to. I pushed open the door to the One Direction boys’ dressing room, content that it would be empty for at least another half an hour. Best Friend Michael Clifford. Ashton Irwin. Romantic Michael Clifford. Ashton Irwin. Brother Michael Clifford. Ashton Irwin. My head was racing with the realisation of the hole I had threw myself in last night. I had practically confirmed that something romantic would happen between us, and confirmed that with my actions throughout the day. The cuddles on the bed until the show. The kisses on the nose. The arms around the waist. Granted, all of this could be perfectly innocent had we both established that our relationship was purely platonic, but it wasn’t. I liked Michael Clifford. I could build a life with him. I could wait in England while he toured the world for him to finally end up back here, keeping in touch by phone calls. I could wait for Michael. But I could do that with Ashton as well. I had completely cut off the possibility of building some type of romantic relationship with any of the other boys, and the thought frightened me. Before I had even given myself enough time to develop a friendship with each individual and see if I would fit with even one of the boys, I had decided on Michael. Either that was fate, and my every doubt was just a confirmation of my rational brain still being intact, or it was pure, juvenile, stupidity. I slid down on the couch and stared at my flushed appearance in the mirror. I was utterly lost. I had told Michael I needed time, maybe that one small statement would be my redeeming grace in all this. Those three words had the ability to pull me from the sit storm that would erupt if this all went downhill now my usually organised brain had descended into chaos. I jumped as the door opened behind me and my eyes bugged as Ashton shut the door behind him. I shivered as his hand rested on my shoulder and my entire body responded to his touch. It hadn’t been like this with Michael. Michael was comfortable, soft, warm, loving. Ashton’s touch was shocking, raw, electric, and passionate.

“Allie?” His eyebrows knitted together as he looked at me through the mirror in front of us, his hand squeezing my shoulder, sending ripples out through me. “Are you okay?” I could see the hint of guilt in Ashton’s eyes and nodded as he moved to sit down next to me. “You kind of ran out on me there.” I looked up at him to answer, but my mouth refused to make a sound as I got lost in his eyes again. We locked eye contact and I watched the emotions flicker through his face. Concern, confusion, guilt, sadness, curiosity and something I couldn’t name no matter how hard I tired. It seemed like an immeasurable period of time had passed before Ashton pulled his gaze away from mine. I felt my cheeks heat and resorted to staring at my hands. We sat in silence, I refused to look up, scared by what I might see there. My head was screaming Michael’s name but my entire being was yearning to reach out and touch the dimple on Ashton’s cheek, to see what it felt like to hold him.

“Fuck it.” Ashton announced and I snapped my head up to look at him with utter confusion.

“Excuse me?” I questioned, my eyes burrowing into the back of his head as he stared at the wall in front of us. Ashton looked down at me and adjusted his position on the couch. I straightened my posture to answer the severity of his expression. “Is something wrong?” He gazed at me for a while longer before relaxing and waving it off.

“No, nothing never mind.” I nodded slowly and watched him tap a rhythm on his knees through the mirror, his entire focus on the beat he was creating. The rhythm cut off, Ashton snapped toward me on the couch and sighed. “Actually, fuck it.” He chuckled, shrugging his shoulders. I sighed in exasperation and raised an eyebrow. “Fuck it, Allie. Just, fuck it.”

“Fuck what?” His hands grabbed the side of my face and he slammed his lips onto mine. I froze as my mind stopped working. No, Michael. No. Michael. I’m here to see Michael. Michael. Michael. Ashton. My mind couldn’t do anything to stop my hands tangling in Ashton’s hair and rocking onto my knees so I could get onto an equal height. An arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me onto his lap, my legs falling on either side of his own.

“Fuck it.” Ashton mumbled against my lips as he pulled me closer. I sighed as his tongue traced my bottom lip.

“Fuck it.” I replied as I adjusted my position so I was more comfortable. The kiss was slow but full of passion and my every thought about Michael had flown out the window. I was utterly lost in Ashton’s arms and my body could do nothing to fight it. I fell off Ashton’s lap, my lips tingling, as the door flew open.

“Oh, wow.” Harry grinned as he took in the scene before him. “Your dressing room not good enough?”