Dark on Me [South Park Stenny Fanfic]

Detox

Stan stared wide eyed at Kenny, positive he must have misheard, but Kenny didn't break eye contact even while discomfort reflected in his features. Despite his best efforts, Stan couldn't seem to force any words through his lips, coming up empty every time, quite literally shocked into stunned silence. After this went on for what Stan assumed to be a few minutes at least, Kenny finally let out a tiny sigh, his features softening and relaxing while the tension around them only mounted. He tore his eyes away from Stan, wildly searching about the room for a second before returning his attention back to his stunned friend. "Did I come on too strong?" he asked, a smile in his voice.

Snapping back to reality, Stan quickly recovered and shook his head; the last thing he wanted was Kenny backpedaling and he feared that's exactly what would happen if he didn't get it together as of five minutes ago. "No, no," there had to be other words, he knew his vocabulary expanded past that one word. "I'm just surprised," he admitted, having finally found the part of his mind that had briefly locked away his ability to speak. Kenny's eyebrows raised slightly at this and he was starting to feel doubt worm its way through his body; maybe Stan didn't quite return these feelings. 

As if sensing where Kenny's mind was going, Stan hurriedly went on, "I just thought, for sure, I'd be the one to say that first." Stan smiled easily and watched as Kenny practically sagged with relief from the assurance. Resisting the urge to lean over and kiss those lips, he settled on tightening his grip on Kenny's hand and squeezing, it seemed to be the only thing he knew for sure that wouldn't be an issue.

"I'm sorry," Kenny apologized again, knocking Stan out of the moment and reminding him of other things that needed his attention. Kenny went on, "I'm sure they'll be angry with both of us now." I shouldn't have let it go this far.

Stan was shaking his head again, slower this time. "Don't apologize. I really don't think they are angry, but," Stan was quick to amend when he saw the reproach in Kenny's eyes, "even if they are, I don't care. They can be angry with me, too." He realized he wanted to say it plainly, so there were no doubts in the other's mind, "I love you. And if it makes them angry, I'm okay with that. I'm sorry that they are angry, though."

"It's not your fault," Kenny pointed out as he inched closer to Stan, leaning heavily against the other's shoulder, finding he was suddenly sapped of energy, the emotional drain of the day finally wearing him down, his eyes sliding shut as he soaked in Stan's presence, feeling safe in spite of his fears regarding his siblings.

Stan felt as if he had found the world as Kenny pressed close and lightly snoozed against him. Briefly, he wondered if it were possible to glow because he absolutely thought he must be glowing with the happiness that was bursting forth within, only tampered by the fact that Kenny thought his brother and sister were somehow angry about this. Which made no sense in Stan's mind, but he was sure it had to do with trauma and he didn't possess trauma-informed care training or resources. 

He wanted to speak with Kyle about it, but part of him also feared talking to Kyle too much about spirits and the afterlife with whatever the heck Kyle was going through. He couldn't really talk to Cartman about...anything. If he were being honest, he really felt as if he needed to go out of his way to impress Cartman and get his approval and this was weird because just this past summer, he and Cartman were sharing beers and laughing over video games.

He could speak to Wendy but he didn't want to pester her, he already used her for his own personal interventions. Kyle and Wendy were the only people he could think of that might even be familiar with trauma-informed care resources, not that he thought they had experience in applying the resources. His other options were Craig, Tweak, and Butters. He certainly wasn't going to bother with Clyde, who never separated from the screen that was his phone. Mentally, he scratched Tweak off the list, too, because Tweak would probably get second-hand trauma and he didn't want that. Butters likely needed trauma-informed care so he wasn't the best option.