Finding Me

Tanya Chapter 18

"What's up Tan? Your usual?" Barry ask

"Nah, I actually came to talk to you if you got a moment."

"Yeah, what's up?"

"I been thinking about what you said to me the last time I saw you."

"Come on Tan, I say alot of shit. Make it quick I got shit to do." He says starting to look uninterested

"Well I might have a way to make some good money."

"Now we talking" Barry says a little excited

"You were right about me having someone around I can get money from. He's my ex and he's a doctor. He's stacked though, believe me."

"So what's the plan?"

"I thought that was for you to figure out."

"This is your lick, how would I know how to get the money? That would be on you to figure that shit out unless you telling me he keeps those stacks in the house."

"No he doesn't keep money in the house, well at least not the amount I know we can get from him."

"So how we getting this money because this shit is starting to be a waste of time Tan."

"He has this new girl he has been seeing actually living at his house. I'm pretty sure he would pay anything to make sure his little precious girlfriend isn't hurt."

"Pretty sure or really sure. I don't have time for no half sure shit."

"I'm all the way sure."

I tell Barry everything about Carter, where he lives, places he frequencies, even about the foundation. I don't know much about the girlfriend besides her name and what she looks like but I give Barry that info too. I get him to give me a few days to get things in motion. Although I know things between Carter and I are now different. He wouldn't turn me away if I asked for help to get clean. No matter how many times I have asked and have failed, that is the one thing he wouldn't say no to.

Do I feel bad about what I am about to do to Carter. Yes and no, yes because no matter what he is my family but no because it's not fair he is moving on and I am not. I loved him and only him and he just walks away from me. Away from me, the one who loved him through it all. Yeah I may have fucked up but that day I came to his house. I was really done with this shit. I was done with this life but he was already playing house with someone new. He promised he would always love me, take care of me. Then he just abandons me like nothing. That I can't have and I won't let it happen. If I can't be happy with him, he can't be happy with no one.