Pretty Boy.

Just a Little Longer

/Taylor/

Today, my therapist was talking to me about being released from the hospital. They use the word 'discharged' and i keep thinking about how odd it sounds, and how it sounds like they're trying too hard to be professional. They tell me that I've been doing very good, and that I need to fill out a few forms about what i'll do in a state of panic.
I've really only put on about ten pounds so far but they'd like me to gain more. Personally, i look at myself in the mirror now and i feel less... disgusting, i guess. when my bones are still visible but not defined, i think i actually look kinda nice. Devon tells me how proud he is about what i eat every single day. He's basically become my best friend and we've gotten in trouble multiple times the past few weeks for being up way too late and talking. 
It's only been a short amount of time since i last heard from Marc, and I really hope he's doing okay. I know i should be pissed but something feels like this isnt something to be mad about. And maybe i'll find out that it is, but i want to talk to him before i make any big decisions.  
I really do feel like i've been making a big amount of progress. I feel lighter, almost. The medication they gave me is actually working too, even after all the time i spent telling myself no medication could ever make me feel better.
But, i'm being released tomorrow. And truthfully, as happy as I am, I'm also so much more anxious than i thought id be about going back home... I know I'm ready, i'm just not ready for such a drastic change. I want change, but I want things to change for the better. And hopefully when I'm home that happens.
I walk back to the dayroom after i speak with the therapist and i rush up to Devon and tap him on the shoulder
"Devon!"
"yes, Taylor?"
"guess what's happening tomorrow" Im basically bouncing in my seat ready to tell him.
"you're getting visitors?"
"no, i'm going home!" Devon gasps and gives me a high five (since we're not really allowed to hug) 
"dude thats great! i get released sometime in the next two weeks" in the hospital, you arent allowed to share personal information but i've already gotten Devon's phone number written in one of the journals i have. Its hidden fairly well in a drawing i did, just in case the nurses wanna be snoopy. 
"so uh, how far do you live from my town again?" My memory hasnt been the best while being in here, everything feels mushed together.
"only thirty minutes." He replied with a soft smile, "we should hang out when i get out!" he turned his voice down to a whisper "i also have your phone number, so i'll text you when i am out." he gave a playful wink and we giggled like school children. it felt nice to be goofy and enjoy ourselves even in a place like this.
I sighed and settled into one of the day room's way too tough chairs, looking at the tv and feeling something light in my chest. things felt like they were finally coming together, and they really weren't, but i might as well let myself enjoy existing before i have to go home and figure shit out with Marc. Hopefully, all will go well, we'll talk, probably cry a bit, and resolve things and be back to the way we were. Maybe i'll hit Jake. Maybe he'll be put in jail soon. Who knows what they're up to. All i know is im really fucking excited to get out of this place, and to see my mom again, taste good food again, be allowed to stay outside longer than i am here... I'm excited for a lot of things, and i think it outweighs the things i should be worrying about.