The Vixen Trials

I've Become A Monster

"I helped you kill him"

Alyssia

Alyssia made no sound and did not even blink. The cutting pain was nothing to the horror that still seethed inside her, but she clasped the Hattavah's hand in hers anyway feeling the warmth and comfort of it. It was the first drop of compassion she'd been shown since she'd become a slave. She felt the pressure of his hand filling her heart with more meaning than he no doubt intended. It steadied her somehow, an ice-cube in a hellish desert that cooled her.

Then from across the square came a shout: "There he is! The Hattavah." It was a familiar looking captain and three soldiers beside him. Dakkoul yanked his hand free.

"I told you he was stupid," he said to Keilah. "Too stupid to live." He pulled out his long curved dagger and ran towards the soldiers. The captain held his ground but the other three soldiers backed away.

Dakkoul leapt on top of the captain, knocked him down and held him pinned to the ground on his back, a boot on his neck, his dagger raised.

And Alyssia, standing back, saw only the Hattavah about to kill again. Like the soldiers had slaughtered all the people in her village they deemed useless. Something rose up within her. A hatred of murder. She had been powerless to stop the fountains of blood in her village. She ran, as hard as she had ever, to the Hattavah's side. 

"Don't kill him," she shrieked.  

The Hattavah grimaced. "Do you know who he is Alyssia?"

The hawkers, beggars and soldiers had gathered around them, forming an ever moving circle. Keilah could hear them whispering to each other, "The Hattavah, it's the Hattavah". A girl in the corner cried out, "It's Captain Tanaach".

"I don't care."

"Look at him." Dakkoul nudged the Captain's head in her direction.

Alyssia eyed him. His face was turned to her, his beard vibrated as his mouth stretched trying to get words out while he struggled to breathe. She shuddered and looked away. It was the Captain who led the raid on her village, who seemed to enjoy it.

"It is him, isn't it?" Dakkoul said, a sneer of disgust twisting his mouth. "That's the kind of thing he volunteers for. Walk away and don't look back, Alyssia."

She did not move. She'd wanted to save his life. Now a desire for revenge overtook her. If anyone deserved to die, he did. For not restraining his men, for what she'd seen him do to Katy and Paylin, for the orders he'd given. The memories came rushing back. The blood, the screams and all the while his gloating face, encouraging it all.

"I hate you," she said to the Captain and she backed away into the crowd.

There was a sound as the dagger went in but she did not look. The cheering of the crowd was confirmation enough. She crouched on the ground and a clenching began in her stomach that worked its way up until bile spilled out of her mouth.

A pair of black blood-splattered leather boots came beside her. She looked up to see the Hattavah, as she wiped her mouth with the wide sleeve of her tattered tunic.

"It's done," he said quietly.

"I helped you kill him," she said in dull horror. "I've become a monster."

"I'm the monster," he corrected. "I'd have done it anyway, no matter what you said. He deserved it. I've been wanting an excuse to do it for a while."

Her arms were shaking and her lips were cold.  A cold darkness settled in her heart as she saw the blood now spilled on the square. "I wish I'd died in the village," she said, "Defending the children. I'd have been a hero and instead I'm a traitor to the faith." Her own words bit into her. She was a traitor to her faith. Now she really had nothing left.

Keilah

The splayed bloodied body of the Captain made her shudder but Keilah remembered his vile words to her, his treatment of the Hattavah and she felt the rightness of the execution even as she wondered at how much trouble he would get in because of it. She pushed through the crowd to join a sick looking Alyssia standing beside Dakkoul. "Can you really take the life of anyone you please?"

"He was only an unconnected soldier. Your uncle might reprimand me, but most likely he will wink at it. I'll plead self-defense."

Keilah narrowed her eyes at him. "You've changed. I remember when you would shrug off an insult and make a joke of it. You used to make them laugh, then they'd back down".

"Can't do that now," he said. "Come, we must get you to your grandmother."

Keilah baulked. "Shouldn't I clean up a bit first. I've been on a horse all day. I must stink".

"Not any more than usual," said Dakkoul with a straight face and she was offended until she saw him wink. 

"And for Alyssia. She's even worse." Keilah giggled. "She needs some better clothes and shoes."

They found a simple thick plain blue tunic with a brown belt, some ugly brown sandals and a drab warm cloak. Then Dakkoul led them to a large hovel that backed on to the market. "I know a place you can have a bath for the few coins we have left, if you don't mind it being a bit rough?" 

"Dakkoul, you saw my home. Usually I haul my own bath water."

He smirked. "With the bucket half full of course." There was an aliveness to him now that had been missing before and she squelched the protest that rose to her lips and instead smiled.

A bright cheeked woman appeared at the bath-house door. Dakkoul talked to her and she bobbed her head at Keilah. "It'd be an honor to have you here, my lady. My best room is this way. Not fine enough for you of course, we don't usually have the lords and ladies here". Keilah followed her to a room with a paved floor and a tub in the middle of it filled with hot steaming water. A wooden chair stood in the corner with a blue towel hung over it and on a shelf was a chipped cup with a white lily in full bloom surrounded by some ferns. It was much nicer than bathing in the kitchen-cum-living room at home.

Keilah went to shut the door and saw Alyssia standing there. She bowed. "Excuse me, my lady the Hattavah said you'd need my help to undress."        

Keilah raised her eyebrow and her lips twitched. "Very funny. Only after you've taught him how to hold a sword."

"My lady?" said Alyssia with such a puzzled look on her face that Keilah relented. "He was teasing you. I don't need help to bathe. See if you can clean yourself up somewhere too while I'm in here."

Once she slid into the water she did not want to leave, but she did a quick once-over and was outside before Dakkoul and Alyssia were expecting her. They were sitting out the front whispering together when she appeared. Alyssia sprang to her feet but Dakkoul said, "I was just telling Alyssia about your lengthy baths. You've made a liar out of me, my lady."

"Very funny," she said. "I recall it was you who'd take the lengthy baths and you'd sing loudly the whole time."

"It was the only time I could without someone shushing me up. At least that's not a problem now. Your uncle allows me some space at least. And my daughter enjoys my singing."

"Tone-deaf is she?" Keilah remarked.

"Her hearing is excellent," Dakkoul replied with dignity. "We sing together."

Keilah gave him a half-grin even as her mind still struggled to accept he was a father. He was not that much older than her.

They returned to the urchin to collect their horses. Dakkoul hoisted Alyssia up behind him and they trotted their horses through the crowds until they reached the district of the House of Lavilyn enclosed by a huge stone wall with snap-leaf vines overhanging the top. Its entrance gate was flanked by guards holding flaming torches who inspected Dakkoul before waving them through. They entered a deserted fancy garden where the trees and shrubs seemed twice their size in the shadows.

"Wait," said Keilah and they halted.

What do you think will happen to Keilah and the Hattavah once she enters the House? Thank you for reading this far.