The Vixen Trials

You'll Kill Yourself

"Something's changed in me.
Sometimes I blame you"

Dakkoul

Dakkoul almost stumbled down the narrow stone stairs in his eagerness to reach his daughter. She wasn't safe. Lord Rustavan would target her tomorrow, he was sure of it. He had to get her out tonight. It seemed to take a whole moon to get to her room, but when he did he rapped on the door as a courtesy to her nursemaid, Tarryn.

The door flung open and Tallie stood there, her light brown eyes dancing with joy before she leapt towards him. He picked her up and twirled her in his arms as she cried out, "Daddy, Daddy," and he held her tight against his chest. How young and fragile she was. She hardly looked her five years.

Tarryn came to lean against the doorway and smile up at him. "We've been waiting for you."

He reached out his free arm and gave her a side hug, even as the thought of losing both his daughter and his friend swelled hot within his head.

"I've missed you both," he said hoarsely.

Tarryn's green eyes, as fresh as dew drenched spring grass, widened and then narrowed. "Why are you saying that?"

He loosened his hold on Tallie, and she leaned back to look at him, holding his chin in her small sweet fingers as she prattled about how she'd missed him. He shook his head at Tarryn. "After," he mouthed.

Tallie demanded the pebble he always collected for her on his travels and he gave her one that rippled with pretend gold that she crowed over. After playing two imaginary games with her, telling her a long story of a firesnake seeking its fortune and singing her three ridiculous songs so out-of-tune he made himself wince, she finally agreed to go to sleep. Dakkoul slumped on her bed watching her eyelids shutter as her hands clutched her rag dolly tight. All of his energy seemed to seep out of him as he watched her. He couldn't send her away, but he must.

Dakkoul got up, his legs aching as he made his way to the other side of the room where Tarryn waited, teasing a lock of her snow-white hair that had escaped from her colorful scarf. She looked up at him expectantly.

He dropped his eyes. "I failed my mission."

Tarryn sucked in a breath and put her gentle hand on his arm. "What happened?"

"I was supposed to kill Lord Rustavan's niece, but I couldn't do it." He loosened the black strap around his wrist. Tarryn's hand tightened its grip. He looked at her. "Something's changed in me. Sometimes I blame you."

She laughed softly. "I'm sure it wasn't me."

"Tallie then. Since her, I don't know." He shook his head. "I don't hate the Wayvolk like I used to and when I realized I was supposed to kill Keilah, I couldn't do it."

"Keilah?" Tarryn asked, withdrawing her hand.

"An old friend from my childhood." He exhaled and misery swamped him, erasing the simple joy Tallie's presence usually brought him. "I've put you and Tallie in danger. Lord Rustavan will punish me and the easiest and most effective way to do that is through Tallie, and even you. Although I've tried to hide our friendship, he's probably guessed. He's clever like that. You must leave tonight and take Tallie to her mother's House."

Tarryn stiffened and clenched her fists. "No."

Dakkoul blinked then put his hands on her shoulders. "You must. Whatever happens to me, Tallie must be safe. You must be safe. Anything else he can do to me won't matter nearly so much."

"No." Tarryn drew herself up so that her chin was just below his nose. "I'm a servant, not a slave, remember? You can't order me to do this. It would devastate Tallie to have to go now, to be taken away from you when she's so little. You don't even know what Lord Rustavan plans. I've made sure he believes - that everyone believes - I really dislike you. I hate sullying your name but I do it and if you tell me it was all for nothing, I'll...I'll...I'll tell Cate to make an extra batch of lek-duck soup just for you and I'll stand over you until you finish every drop!"

He almost laughed. "I'd rather starve. And I'm sure it's not that bad complaining about me. I bet everyone is eager to listen."

She covered her flushed cheeks. "I wish they weren't so quick to agree, even when I complain about the silliest things."

He widened his eyes and waited. The color on her face deepened. "Like your singing."

He hummed a line deliberately out-of-tune. "That is a silly thing to choose and so obviously not true I wonder they believe you."

She picked up a stray pebble off the ground. "I mix it up with other things."

"Like what?" he asked, suddenly curious.

Tarryn scratched at the surface of the stone. "How you don't let me bring Tallie down to meet the other servants. How you can never tell me when'll you be back. How you hardly ever let me take Tallie to the markets or to see Pom."

"Real complaints then," he stated.

She hooded her eyes. "Not really. I know the why of all those things, but I can act as if I don't."

Dakkoul let the black leather strap drop the ground and lowered his voice to a hush. "Even if they all think you dislike me, Lord Rustavan knows Tallie adores you so you're definitely at risk. The other time I failed him, he had my dog killed while I watched. He'll do something as bad this time, if not worse. I know it." He dug his fingers into the scars on his wrist.

"Don't," Tarryn cried out, trying to yank his hand away.

He let his fingers be removed by hers, even as one of his scars began to leak blood. "I can't risk that happening to you."

"Once you give Tallie to Lady Belvana's House, you won't be able to see her again." Tarryn's voice hitched. "She'll be devastated and you too. What will you even live for without her?"

He looked her and clenched his jaw.

Tarryn glared at him. "You'll kill yourself."

Dakkoul riveted his eyes onto the faded red fox fur rug on the flagstones. She was right, of course. He couldn't imagine what could possibly keep him obedient without Tallie here, but if he told that to Tarryn she'd never agree to go. He searched for a reason she might believe. "Keilah's here now, accepted by her grandmother. I've promised to keep her safe. That's a reason to live for now."

Tarryn's mouth curved into a knowing smile. "So this Keilah is accepted by your grandmother. If the lady who owns the House is pleased Keilah isn't dead, why should you be punished harshly? I think Lord Rustavan wants Tallie here to dangle over your head. He won't hurt her or send her away. He might punish you, but surely it won't be as bad as you think."

Dakkoul scratched at the blood on his cut. "You don't understand. He's fanatical about punishing disobedience. Lady Lavilyn won't stop him."

Tarryn sighed and tapped her lip. "How about this? In the morning as soon as you are summoned to Lord Rustavan, Tallie and I will go to the Val's. We won't come back until you send word it is safe."

Dakkoul swallowed down a lump in his throat. It wasn't enough, but at least that plan gave him a hope of seeing Tallie again. He glanced over to where she was sleeping, adorable with her straight brown hair fanned out on the pillow and her soft snoring. To give her up would shatter him. Against his better judgement, he found himself agreeing to Tarryn's plan.

The history of Tarryn and the Hattavah's relationship is explored in 'Chosen for the Fox-dance' in The Crux Anthology: Adventure Science Fiction Fantasy Stories by 16 International Authors. All profits go to the charity Compassion International.