Smile To Me Again

Broken Back

Part 24

She was the love of my life,
The girl that i love too.
She is a friend that everybody deserves.
A girl who would do anything just to make her friends and family smile,and for me too.
But one day,she has done something,that did not make me smile.
Beacause she left,
Beacause of me. Everything is not done,
Without her.

                       -Alison Dilaurentis

Alison

Friday,January 2018.

It's Emily's funeral today. I don't know how I'm gonna live like this. I lost her. It's all my fault she died. My fault.

"....Alison..? Are you ready..to go?"

"Oh,yea. I am."

Pam was at the door standing,wiping her tears off,trying to smile at me. I was at Emily's house. Her mom and dad was so heartbroken... Their daughter, is gone. Pam smiles at me,then she looks down and cries.
I go to Pam,and hugged her. While i cry too. I whisper to her,

"I'm sorry your daughter is gone..it was..my fault that she died for me.."

"Just..don't blame yourself..i know my daughter wants to save you. Beacause she loves you. And she would do anything for you."

"But this isn't what i want.."

"Alison,she gave you a gift,full of love,showing that she really wants you to be happy. Not to be sad that she's gone. She's always right here. In your heart."

Pam is right. I need to stop blaming myself. Emily did this beacause she wants me to be happy. And yes,she did gave me an amazing gift. An amazing one.
The one gift i could never forget. Pam pulls away with a slight smile,and left me alone in Emily's bedroom. All the things in her room,pictures,and..a frame of Paris,France,and Los Angeles. While the date,she told me that she would love to go to Paris the most,she wants to see the Eiffel tower,and the view there. She told me about everything she loves in Paris.

All those kisses,all those words,and all those smiles..
I've loved them especially when Emily looks at me in the eyes. Giving me trust.

I touched the frame,wiping the dusts off. In one of the books on top of her desk,i saw a picture, of her.

She looks so beautiful when she's in hig school,the time i wasn't here in Rosewood yet. And another picture of her at some place aesthetically. It was pretty. Seeing her smiling in the picture again. It hurts me seeing her last smile. I don't want it to end. I can't live without her. I can't start a life without a girl who loved me so much.

Spencer

"THIS IS NOT FUCKING HAPPENING! SHE'S NOT DEAD!"

"Spencer..please.."

"HOW CAN SHE JUST LEAVE ME LIKE THAT?! I THOUGHT SHE'S JUST FINE WITH ALI?!"

"Spencer! Our friend is gone! Just accept it! She's gone,beacause she was just trying to save Ali! Just accept the fact that she's DEAD!"

"But..i..i can't accept it..She's my bestfriend.."

"Spencer..come here.."

Me and Aria was at the ward,we heard the news. Alison was in the news,her ex..fucking killed Emily..this is all Ali's fault. If Emily hadn't met her,she wouldn't die.

Aria was hugging me,crying too. I don't know how she died beacause of Ali. Why did she died? She's innocent,and she's just  a lost woman. She didn't deserve to die..she can't be dead..She's my friend..

"Why does the most innocent girl gets the most pain? Why does the girl who always smiles hides her pain? Why does the most beautiful woman like her,gets to be the one that died?"

"Spencer..i feel hurt too that she's gone,but..she wants you to be happy. She doesn't want US to be sad. She's watching your ebery single move from above at the sky. Waiting for you to say hi to her."

"Today is her funeral..i want to be there.."

"You still can't walk much,Spence.."

"But i want to be there for my friend!"

"I know..but are you sure you can walk there? I mean,you still have a bandages around your forearm,and it's not completely healed."

"I don't care. I just want to be there. I want to go see Emily."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I wanna see her. "

"Okay. Let's go meet her."

Aria smiles while wiping her eyes,and i smile back. I'm going to see her again.

Hanna

"Hanna..do you want something to eat?"

"No."

"Something..to drink?"

"No."

"Hanna..look,i know you're upset Emily's gone,but you can't get sick again. You need to eat something."

"I don't want to eat. I don't give a damn about eating."

"I know you love her. And she had helped you for years,but..some friendship has an ending. You may never know how it'll end or how it'll fade."

"...what the hell is that suppose to mean."

"I mean,that you should just be tough even though you've lost someone. "

"Thanks for the thoughtful advice,Caleb. I REALLY need that."

"Oh c'mon don't say like that."

"I'm suppose to go to Emily's funeral! I'm her friend! How am i suppose to just stand here after being healed of that sick fever for suddenly,and not go to my friend's funeral?! I have to be there!"

"Hanna-"

"None of this wouldn't happened if she didn't met ALISON! It's all her fault my friend died!"

"Hanna..."

Caleb grabs me and hugs me tightly,while i cry at his chest.  This is not fair. It's so not fair that Emily died beacause of love. Beacause of Alison. I shouldn't have let them be together. Then,she wouldn't die. Then she wouldn't be gone. But it's too late now. Emily is gone,and never coming back. Completely gone in the underworld.

"I just..can i at least go to her funeral? I want to see her for the last time."

"Why are you asking for my permission? I'm not your mom."

"We can go. Yeay.."

I say in a sad and weak voice. I'm gonna see my friend for the last time before she leaves me.