Smile To Me Again

Stop that

Part 54

Wednesday,January 2018

In the morning...

Emily

I woke up,and opened my eyes weakly. I don't wanna wake up. I just wanna stay in bed. It feels so comfortable to lay down now and not a good time to wake up. I saw Ali sleeping,her head on my arm. A hand on my right shoulder,and her leg on my leg. I let out a smile at her hiding her face in my arm pit. She snuggles with me tighter and I blinked quickly with her sudden move. She hugs me this time pulling me closer to her. But when I think back,it feels a little cold even when we're in the covers. I look down,and we're naked completely. Oh..right..last night..was amazing. Huh. I thought it would be just for a while. Didn't know it'd ended until morning. But I had a good time with her. I feel so relieved and relaxed. I sigh and smile slightly,but then I feel Ali moving. I look at her and she turns her head up to my face,blinking slowly and smiling weakly.

"Good morning,Sunshine."

She giggles softly when I said that and I pecked her lips. I turn to face her,and put her hair at the back of her ear. She smiles softly while closing her eyes,and I go closer to her.

"Did you had a good night?"

"Very."

Her voice is so hot when she wake up in the morning. I leaned my forehead against hers,and caressing her cheeks. She smiles while looking down,and I close my eyes. But then her smile fades when she looks at me. As if she remembered something. I furrowed my eyebrows at her,getting curious.

"Is everything alright?"

"Y-yeah..It's perfect I just..thought of something bad..about what happened at Radley yesterday."

"Oh come on Ali. Get over Cally. She's a dork. And a psycho."

"But she keeps getting in my mind. I can't..forget her."

She looks like she's talking about Cally,but I think she's actually thinking of something else. Her tone of saying Cally's name is different. I suspect her on something I don't know.

"You're doing it. You're doing it again."

"What?"

She started to be nervous and I pulled away. I throw the covers away to get off of bed. I took my shirt,my underwear and everything else and wear it. I took the new shirt in the plastic bag I bought earlier,and got in the toilet but Ali grabbed my forearm before I could even enter. I turn to her with a serious look,and she just looks at me with a scared face.

"I'm sorry...I-i know I lied..I just can't tell you why I killed someone..you'll think I'm a disgusting person and a criminal..."

I look at her and to her hand holding my forearm. I sigh,and put the outfit  on the countertop.

"If you wanna think bad thoughts about me,then be it. But I NEVER wanted to think bad about you."

I say,taking her hand off my forearm,and slowly put it away from me. She looks at me bit I didn't look at her. I'm tired of this. The both of us are. I just want to put an end in this whole complicated thing but I think I just lost my spirit to. I leaned on the door,and slide down. I don't mind sitting on the wet floor I just..need some time to think about me and Alison. Are we okay? I mean,Every time there's a problem we end up being in the covers. I end up letting her get in my pants. I can't let her control me. I have to stand up for myself but I can't! I'm just weak! I slammed my hand at the wall and start to cry. It burns my eyes,when I clench my teeth. I put my wrist on my forehead while gripping my hands. I feel so shaky,and so angry. Why do I have to be the one that feels so dumb? I don't want to be the one that always end up being a junk. A waste and a soft one. I hate being like that. I don't wanna be like that anymore. I look up and try to make the tears go back in but it keeps coming out. I wipe it off and looked down. I look on the countertop and saw the box of cigarettes. I don't remember putting it there,or maybe I did put it there I just don't remember and lazy to remember it back. I keep looking at it,and think nothing,then I look away and sigh.