Smile To Me Again

I'm the reason

Part 55

Emily

After I took a nice relaxing bath for couple of minutes,I got time to think too. Thinking about me and Ali,our future,what will happen next,our..the baby,and even Cally. I don't know,but why do I feel like this relationship is not healthy? It feels really weird. Do I need help? No,do me and Ali need help? We just had a small fight and clearly no one won the argument. I took a deep breath and wrapped the towel around my body. I look at the mirror in front of me and keep staring at myself. Why does this strange feeling keep bothering me? I mean,I'm fine with leaving people before but I've never felt this worried feeling so much for Ali. Ever. She really did changed me. I'm scared to go out there and see her deep ocean blue eyes that drowns me,and the most angelic and innocent face...

Talking about innocent..She is innocent. First she got blamed,and managed to not get in jail. That's a good thing. But what I think is that maybe perhaps re feeling of guilt had way controlling her. And she has no idea where to go. That's when she met me...A girl that has no relationship expierience,no feeling or any spirit for love,a horrible person who hurts people much,and an idiot. Why would she pick me? Why me? Why do I get to be picked? I'm not the one for her. And she's not the one for me. I don't think we are anything. Anymore.

"I wish you're here to tell me what to do,Hanna."

I whispered to myself and sigh like a cow. I look down,and wipe my cheek. I didn't know I was tearing up. I didn't notice,I didn't feel like crying but it just fell down. I'm frowning,but crying. I wipe the tear again and wash my face. Then I wiped my face with a cloth and go out. I saw Ali sitting on the bed,with her legs up her chest,wrapped by her arms. She was turning away. Looking at the window.

I want to say something but it's a bad idea. Maybe I should just stay quiet. She's probably having a hard time. But it looks pitiful looking at her sitting like that. All the emotional feelings accept happiness gathers in her. I look at hee for couple of seconds and walked to the plastic bag with almost some clothes. One pair for me,and one pair for Ali left for the night. I wear it,and stand where i am. I keep standing,until i decided to go sit beside Ali. I wrap my arm around her back,and she jumped for a while. When she looked at me she looked away back quickly. Just as I thought she cried.

"Crying won't do anything."

But I cried too because of this.

"I know."

Is all what she said. Gah I'm hating this.

"Why ARE you crying?"

She finally looks at me who is confused and pretending to be.

"I don't know I just...feel like I should."

"Well I think you shouldn't. It's not a big deal anymore. Okay? Just stop thinking about...whatever the he'll you thought about and just think about our future."

I spread my legs and sit like a mermaid position,while my hand on her shoulder and the other one on her stomach. I just slid my hand in while her legs are attached to her chest. She lowers down her legs and let me touch her stomach,and look at me. Those eyes again.

"Look,I wanna go home."

"I know."

I said with a little confident tone with soft voice and nod quickly. She sighs slowly,and I rest my head on her other shoulder.

"We can set off tonight. And think about all of those problems later,okay?"

She nods,and I peck her cheek. I have nothing else to say. I remove my hand off her stomach and move away from her. It's only 4 in the morning. Still early to go sleep. But I'm in my pyjamas. Blue with pineapple decorations and short blue pants with same deco with it. What can I do? I'm so bored. I took my phone from the nightstand and see if there's anything new or anyone texted me. Nothing. Wait think about it back,that Spencer girl...who is she?