Realist Of Mortality : Blog

When It Rains

My heart feels hollow.. when it rains. Stains of blood cover the ground. An image of discomfort. Sometimes my mind gose to far.. into what ever these changing seasons are. The Weather, only conditions my additude. Even being with my soul i feel most alone. I find myself Getting more angry, searching for peace. Why am I so mad..

Maybe life has nothing to offer for us all. We all take our actions to pride. Always wanting to be correct in our own manners. Everything is true but yet at false.
We look for cures.. solutions.. answers.
Depression is anger. As anger is depression.
I thought I would be more funny.. writing my thoughts . But they seem to be writing me.

And when it rains.. it pours. I dont know if I'll ever be okay. If we will ever be okay..

I find myself going quicker.. disappearing into the midst days ahead of me.
Like i said, we are all looking for something.

Maybe I'm looking for evil. To exterminate all of it .. would that be crazy.

I know it would make me happy.

Can someone find happiness in pain. Discomfort. Torture. A reality that hurts.. or hurting others. Can someone be okay with blood down falling as rain. And when it rains..

I feel so relieved.. blue, clear water falling. From many miles above... it looks red in my eyes. As a drop lands on my forhead.

I don't even know how i ended up outside. I found myself starring into the dark gray skies.

You know... a lot of things make me happy.. money.. sex.... lust... these are sins.
Sins make me happy. How awful.. aheh..

That's not the catch.

Everyone is a sinner.. im just glad I can forbid my sins. Purging myself days at a time.

I just need to die. In peace.

                                 ~

Sometimes I think about it all.. beginning of birth. That black abyss that almost seems impossible to think of. The first light... then onto life... why is it that now I understand life. And the other half of life... death. It's 50 50. But to know 100 of 50 looks normal.

No, life is half of death.

We all die.

I want to touch the space and stars!

Maybe then ill wake up and plummet into my sleeping body years ago or years later finding that.. Ive.. already been dead.

Lmao. What if im already dead. I was the first zombie. Other then the fact that one summer i got bit by a cow. I could of been the start.

Maybe not..

Or what if im holding my breath underwater in another universe.. watching myself.. over... And over... I guess I make myself. 

What the hell am I talking about... im just rambiling.

And as the rain continued...

So did his love..

Would she know how dead l was next to her.. And maybe... it was the good kind of death...

The type that hid me...