Catharsis ; Zadison

epilogue

*Zoe's point of view*

I was standing on the steps to a small apartment, and I was hesitating between knocking it down or running away like a coward, but I didn't get much time to think because at that very moment, the door swung open to reveal her, to reveal the girl who had been keeping me up at night for the past three years without even knowing it, the girl who I dreamed about seeing again every fucking night. She had dyed her hair brown and it now hung just above her shoulders, which were thin through her grey sweater. She looked surprised to see me, but she just cleared her throat and shut the door a little further, leaving only a sliver of the brown painted door open so that I could see her dainty features, which looked so tired and worn out.

"What are you doing here Zoe?" Her voice was exactly as I had remembered it to be, and I swore that I could fall to my knees right now and kiss the ground she walked on, but I stood up straighter and readjusted the sweatshirt hanging loosely from my body, staring her down with one of my infamous Carmen looks. She stood unwavering, and she honest to God looked pissed as fuck, but I chose to be mature and answer her question before asking if I could come into her home.

"No no no you can't. My roommate will be back any minute and she doesn't like strangers being in the apartment when she's not here!" Her voice shook slightly, and that was when I knew she was lying to me. She thought that I couldn't detect her lies and all the ways I could tell she was nervous, but it had been so long and I still knew everything there was to know about her, mainly because she was never out of my brain, she had made a home there, and i was content with having her in my head if I couldn't have her in person anymore.

"Blondie, you can't lie to me. I know all the things that make you tick. Now, what's the real reason why you won't let me come inside?" She took one long shaky breath and after having an internal battle with herself, she opened the door wide enough for me to slip in past her, which led me to getting a scent of her vanilla scented perfume, which set off a very long chain of nostalgic memories. The inside of her apartment was exactly how I had pictured it, photographs and magazine cutouts lining every inch of space on the walls and mementos from her sister hung in special places in the comfortable room. What really caught my attention though was the playpen located by the kitchen, which contained the figure of a sleeping toddler with wild blonde hair and chubby cheeks. There was no doubt in my mind that the little girl was Madison's daughter, the stark similarities between the two were just too noticeable for me to ignore but the pang still spread throughout my chest at the thought of her with someone else.

"Before you go thinking lowly of me, I had her through artificial insemination. After my... tragic loss three years ago, I went to a specialist to see if I was able to have children, and he told me yes but that I should try out other options to see what I liked best, and the insemination just happened to be the best one for me. I didn't fuck anyone to convince my baby, and the guy happened to be a very good friend to me, not like I have to explain myself to you though." She was standing by the couch, her arms folded tightly across her breasts, watching the interaction between the two of us. I turned around and mimicked her actions, my eyes drifting to the little girl who was now starting to move around, and we had an intense stareoff that lasted until the small girl let out the wail of an injured dog, and I jumped back in surprise. Motherly instinct must have kicked in, because she shoved past me and reached down into the pen to grab her child and hug her while rocking her back and forth.

"Mama's got you baby, mama's got you." She whispered over and over into the blonde hair that was almost identical to her own, and she slowly got her to quiet down. She moved to sit down on the couch and I followed suit, perching on the end cushion, leaving quite a bit of space between the two of us.