Catharsis ; Zadison

iv

A few weeks had went by since the annual bonfire, and Zoe was acting.. Distant. She didn't walk her out of school anymore or smile at her in the hallways when passing. In fact, she completely ignored her, which led to the blonde spending more and more time with Alex, who was happy that she had finally caught her attention. On that particular day, they were lying in the floor of Alex's guest bedroom, watching something on Netflix, their arms brushing against one anothers lightly whenever one of them moved.

"Mads?" She turned her head at the sound of her voice and she was surprised by what she saw. The redhead was staring at her in a way she couldn't decipher, and before she could even process it, she had leaned forward and captured her lips in hers. This was the first time she had ever kissed a girl, or really anyone for that matter, and she didn't know what to do so she just sat there, waiting for it to be over. She pulled away and moved into a kneeling position, tucking a piece of hair that had fallen from her braid behind her ear, looking anywhere but at the shocked younger girl lying on her floor.

"Why did you do that?" She asked quietly, trying to catch her gaze, but being unsurprisingly unsuccessful in doing so. She mirrored her actions and sat back on her feet, her hands planted firmly on her thighs, slightly shaking as she waited for the girl sitting inches in front of her to say something, anything at all.

"I don't know. I thought that maybe I could pursue a relationship with you because Zoe isn't around to lead you on anymore but the moment you didn't kiss back.. I knew that it was still her for you. You're in love with Zoe, and it sucks because she'll never feel that way about you." The conversation went downhill so fast it made her head spin, and she felt nauseous as her words sunk in. She wasn't sure the depths of her feelings for the brunette, but she was sure it was more than platonic like she had been trying to convince herself since she had gotten to know her. The blood was beginning to rush to her ears as she picked her stuff up off the bed and bolted out the door, ignoring her pleas to come back. She cried the whole walk back home, feeling so foolish that things could work out in her favor, that she could have at least one normal friend that wanted to be her friend without wanting to gain something in exchange. When she got home, her mother was seated on the sofa, and at her entrance, she looked up for a brief moment before she returned to thumbing through whatever catalogue she had received in the mail this week. She stumbled up the stairs and collapsed onto her bed, not even bothering to shut the door behind her. She laid on top of the comforter for what felt like hours and hours, only lifting her head to look at the digital clock on her nightstand, pleased to see the day dwindling more and more.

"Madison dear, you have a visitor." Her mother said from the doorway. She lifted her head and saw a glimpse of a strand of brunette colored hair behind her mother's shoulder and she sat up, crossing her legs and giving her the okay to enter. She smiled awkwardly at her mother before she stepped over the threshold and walked across the laundry strewn floor and sitting directly across from her, pulling her boots off and setting them beside the edge of the bed. Her mother lingered in the doorway for a few more moments before she shut the door tightly behind her, no doubt listening at the door because that's the kind of person she was. They sat in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes before the taller one of the two cleared her throat, signaling that she was going to say something, but her words died in her throat as she got a good look at the blonde sitting across the bed from her.

"If you wanted to talk, just say what you came here to say. I don't want to talk to you anymore Zoe." She said shortly, wiping at her face and glaring at her, hoping that would be enough to make her leave, but she remained planted on the bed, shaking her head slightly at her words.

"No no no, you don't get to fucking decide that Madison. You don't." Her words were sharp and they might have cut her deeply if she felt anything other than anger right now. She was so angry, so so so angry that she had fallen for a fucking straight girl of all people. She knew now that she definitely wasn't straight, she was really trying to sort herself out, but she couldn't admit it out loud, at least not yet. She was scared and she felt really lonely, even though she knew her father would support her through everything, just as he had promised the day they watched her sisters casket being lowered into the ground.