Save Me Before I Fall

Sleepwalking

I woke up at 5 this morning. Not sure where I was, but I was freezing cold. It took me a while to wake up, and when I finally did, I realized I was on the bathroom floor.

How did I get when? Did I forget to close my bedroom door last night? Oh well, the perks of being a sleepwalker, I guess. You never know when it will happen or where you will wake up.

I might as well get up and get ready for school now. There's no point in going back to sleep, that is, if I could even fall asleep again.  Being an insomniac is taking a toll on my sleeping schedule. I am exhausted by the time the weekend comes around.

I don't know why I started sleep walking again. I haven't done this since elementary. According to the internet, sleepwalking is often due to insufficient sleep. I guess I am more sleep deprived than I thought.

Why is it so cold? I swear, the floor feels like ice. Ugh! I am going back to bed. It is too cold to do anything right now. I will wait until my alarm rings to get up. Wait, did I even set an alarm last night? Oh well, if I did not, someone will wake me up eventually.

What should I do for the next hour? I am bored already. I should get started on studying for finals. Nah, I might as well use this chance to relax for once. I have band rehearsal and bio lab today. F*ck, I am at school until 8:15 p.m. Someone kill me now. I just want to stay home today and finish the piles of work I already have.

Why does junior year have to be so difficult? Join IBCP, they said. It will help you get into a good college, they said. It gives you a solid foundation about the medical field, they said. Well I say this program is full of cr*p. All I have learned is how useless this program has been for alumni who never make it into there dream school. How the f*ck am I supposed to get into UCLA then? My grades are average. I am definitely not a leader. (Why would I be? I have no confidence in my own work because my parents always tell me what to do.) My extracurriculars consist of band and a few other clubs. I have nothing. I am going to fail. I will not make it. I have nowhere to go. I want this to end.

If I disappeared right now, would anyone notice? If I just died, would anyone care? Do I even care? I wish my life would end soon. I am not ready for the responsibility of adulthood. I should leave. I do not care if I am acting like a coward. I am a coward. I am scared. I am lonely. I have no one to guide me. I need a friend. I need someone to love me. But, no one cares about me. They just expect me to be okay, to follow society's standards. I do not now how to conform to society. I do not know how to play this game called life. I am drifting through life, living in a nightmare, as if I am sleepingwalking through life.

Why should I bother trying when I know the results already? Everyone will succeed and I will be left behind, like always. Leave me be. Let me stop caring, stop trying, stop living, stop breathing.

I scream, but no one listens. I cry, but no sees. I drown, suffocate, choke, but no one saves me. I am drowning. Do you see me? Do you hear me? Will you save me?