Gabriel's POV Season 2

S2 Chapter 9, Dramatic path- So far away...

It's been one hour that Claire is with the doctors. I am waiting outside the room and praying to hear good news. My phone didn't stop ringing. Everyone wants to know what happened. I can't deal with this right now. My mind is on Claire and the baby. I walk back and forth in the corridor, time seems to have stopped. Why it takes them so long? I want to take Claire in my arms. I want everything to be normal again. I hope she can forgive me and accept my troubled past once more. Oh, fuck. I forgot Emmanuella. I call Dom to see how she is. He doesn't pick up the phone no matter how many times I call. Great. Now I lost my best friend too. If one more minute passes and no one comes outside of the operating room I will go inside. I am going crazy minute by minute. I can't just sit here and wait. I want to know how my two angels are. Finally, I see a doctor coming out. I run towards him and before having the opportunity to ask him I hear Claire screaming from inside.
Every cell of me instantly freezes. I don't hear what the doctor is saying. I run into the room. I take Claire in my arms and caress her. She struggles to escape from my arms, she hits me with all her strength, but I don't let her go. Finally, she gives in and we stay snuggled crying for hours until no tears left. I let Claire sleep and I sit next to her. I wish I could keep all her nightmares away, but I can't. I didn't even have the time to deal with mine and I am so scared of letting them in. Being alone before I met Claire was something that didn't scare me. But now I know how it feels like to be with someone that you really love and be loved. I don't want to go to an empty home again. Claire is my home. I don't know how to deal with our lost. I don't know how it is possible to love someone that you haven't met, and I have just now realized how many dreams I have already done for the three of us. Dreams that will never come true. Forgive me my child, please forgive me, forgive me...
I wake up and I see Claire looking outside the window. My back hurts, I didn't realize I fell asleep on the chair while thinking. It is time to face the moment that I am so scared of.
I go closer to her, she is lost in her thoughts. I kiss her hair and hug her from behind.
"are you ready to return home?"
"I don't know if I want to go back with you"
Here, the words that I was so afraid of.
"Angel, forgive me... I..."
"I don't want to hear a word Gabriel. There is nothing to forgive. You couldn't know what will happen. But I am tired of your past. It is hunting us. And now I lost my baby because of it"
"WE lost, OUR baby..."
I am angry. She is not the only one who mourns. Oh, fuck. Get a grip Gabriel she is right. It is all because of your freaking past. Let her take them out of her. I sigh, and I try to persuade her to come with me.
"angel there is no one else that can understand better than me what you are going through. Please come home with me. We can get through this together. I can't live without you"
"Baby I can't. If I come with you I will probably end up hating you, and I don't want that... Please give me time and space. That's all I need for now"
I thought that we are strong enough to stay together after this but obviously I was wrong. And now my nightmare takes shape... the shape of loneliness.
"Ok"
There is nothing left to say. I kiss her forehead while I am praying inside of me to not let this be the last time I kiss her. I walk a few steps further when I hear her saying.
"maybe you should give her a chance. I don't know a lot of people willing to die out of love"
"yeah, whatever you say"
I close the door behind me. It is not the right time to discuss with her. It is difficult for me to leave but she is right. I don't want her to hate me. I must respect the fact that she needs time. I hope she will soon understand that all I need now is her and her only and I wish it will be the same for her...
Lisa and Del learned what happened from Claire and they informed all our guests that we are really sorry, but we need to stay alone for a while. Her friends took her things and I didn't have the opportunity to see her. My parents wanted to stay with me, but I persuaded them that I will be better alone. I am sitting in the middle of the garden and I imagine how wonderful things could be if nothing of all these had happened. I am sending messages to Claire, but she doesn't answer me back. I call her again and again but nothing. I don't know where she is, but I feel her so far away... Our beautiful memories keep playing in a loop inside my mind. Maybe it is over between us, but I don't want to admit it yet....
After two days I decided to go and see Emmanuella at the hospital. I learned from her best friend that she is still under technical support and didn't wake up yet. I am so sorry for her. I shouldn't have spoken to her the way I did. I just wanted her to see the reality and move on with her life...
I knock the door of her room and go inside. I find Dom sitting next to her. He stands up once he sees me.
«You have no place here. Go away and take these with you»
He gives me the wedding rings and pushes me outside of the room and slams the door at my face.
I understand him. But I won't go away. I want to speak to her. I don't know if she can listen to me, but I will try. I owe an apology to her.
I hear Dom yelling from inside.
«Fuck, even when you are in a coma you react when he is around»
He opens the door and asks help from a doctor. I go closer to the open door. I can hear them talking.
«Her heart beats faster. What happened? »
«she had a visitor»
From Dom's annoyed look doctor understands that it was me.
«this is good. She starts reacting. Come inside»
The doctor takes Dom by hand and guides him outside.
«Let's give them some time. You can use it to have some rest»
Dom doesn't like the idea, but I know he would do anything for her, so he finally nods and leaves.
I go inside and sit next to her. I take her hand in mine. I see her heart beats in the monitor screen becoming normal again.
«I don't know from where to begin. So many things changed the last days and all these happened because of me. Please forgive me. I shouldn't have spoken to you the way I did. I just wanted to go on with your life. Dom loves you and I wish you could be happy with him. All these are too much for me. I lost my baby, Claire doesn't want to speak to me, Dom too and you are in a coma. I need someone to tell me that everything is going to be ok again, I need to believe it because otherwise I can't go on anymore»
I start crying and lay my head beside her on her bed. After a couple of minutes, I feel a hand caressing my hair slowly. I turn and see Emmanuella crying too. She woke up! I am so happy, finally a glim of hope. I stand up and lean forward to hug her. She tries to speak.
«don't push yourself to hard. We can talk later»
She tries hard to speak. I can hear her whispering
«so... so.... Sorry»
«Wait, I will go to call a doctor»
I find the doctor. He tells me to wait outside and goes to examine her. After a quarter he allows me to go inside. She looks better already.
«Gabriel, I am really sorry. I wasn't thinking. I didn't want to stop your wedding let alone to lose your baby. It is all my fault. I will never forgive me for what I did to you»
«I don't want to discuss about this ok? Let's just focus on your health»
I smile at her and try to be strong even if I never stop crying from inside.
I sit next to her and then I see her expression transforming. She is panicking.
«What happened? »
«Gabriel... I can't feel my legs... why I can't feel my legs? »
She starts screaming and I am frozen. The doctor comes inside and turns to me.
«sorry I thought you knew. It is very likely that she won't walk again»
Oh my God, why? I don't have the time to say anything. Dom returns. He is so happy that he finds her awake. He keeps saying that he loves her no matter what and that he will do anything to his power for her to walk again. I leave without saying anything and return home. I am laying on my bed. Keep staring on Claire's empty side. I search my pocket and take the rings outside. I take the one with her name on it and put it on the gold chain I wear on my neck. I want to have it next to my heart. I kiss it and take her pillow in my arms. It still has her smell on it... It smells like love and happiness and memories and... Claire. For the first time after three days I finally fall asleep.