Evangeline

Chapter 15

I must have been very lost in my thoughts as I sat on the window seat with Chloe in my lap, watching the rain run down the large window. When I looked up, Mother was there in front of me. I hadn't heard the door or even the maid announcing that she was here.

"How are you?" she asked when I focused on her.

I hoped she wasn't here to scold me some more. It was getting very tiring, apologizing to everyone, over and over.

"I'm alright," I said. Physically, I was fine, but I felt like an idiot. The knowledge that everyone else likely thought I was one, didn't make me feel great.

Mother smiled sadly and sat beside me.

"Sweetie, I know how you must feel," she said. "But I don't want you to let this ruin your trust in people."

Leave it to my mother to pinpoint my thoughts. Since discovering his intentions, I'd been berating myself for stupidly trusting Jonathan. I vowed not to make that same mistake twice. I could trust my family and that was it.

"But...What happened... It was stupid to trust him." I didn't understand how she could even think to worry about that. If I didn't trust anyone, I couldn't be lured away like that ever again. Or hurt.

"It was," she agreed. "But you're not."

I looked down, not too sure about that.

She put her hand on my chin and pulled my face back up. "You're not," she repeated firmly. "You are sweet and funny and beautiful. And very smart."

"I'm not," I said. "If I was-"

"You were smart enough to figure out a way to elude some very tight security," she said. "Security that you weren't even aware of. And I'm not just talking about yesterday. Your father is constantly reprimanding your personal guards for losing sight of you."

Unable to help it, I smiled a little.

"It was foolish of you to trust that man," she said. "but that doesn't make you foolish. You are still very young and there are so many requirements and demands you have to meet. And there's far too much pressure on you. People tend to forget that you're still a girl with feelings and desires. That you want to be loved and not just for your title. Unfortunately, that's a common affliction for those who are royal. Everyone forgets that we're people too."

That was certainly the truth, and Jonathan knew it. That was the reason he was able to trick me so easily.

Apparently, she knew what I was thinking. "I know," she said like she really did know how I felt.

"You?" It seemed impossible. My mother was perfect. She could never be fooled the way that I'd been.

"I was young once too," she said. "And as much as you take after your father, physically, you are definitely my daughter." She laughed a little.

"What do you mean?" I wondered. Jonathan had said something about her, but I thought he was just being cruel. But then when I came home, Papa said something too. I'd forgotten all about it until now.

"When I was your age, I had a similar, ah, adventure."

"You did?" I asked, stunned.

She nodded. "I have been driving myself crazy thinking that if I'd just told you about it a long time ago, I might have helped you to avoid this."

I could only stare at her, surprised and insanely curious.

"I was a little older than you are now, and I was under almost as much pressure as you are to marry well. I loved your father then, but up until that point we had only been friends. It started turning into more and I was so desperate to find out if it truly could be, that I fell into a similar trap. Someone sent me a note, supposedly from your father, and they were able to lure me away. Afterward, of course, I thought of every stupid thing I'd done wrong and how obvious it all should have been. Things are always so much clearer when you're looking back."

"I questioned my judgement for a long time after that, and if I didn't already know and trust your father so deeply, I'm positive that I never would have let myself. And that would have been..." She paused. "It would have been a huge mistake because it would have meant a very lonely, empty life."

I looked down. I didn't have someone the way she had Papa back then.

"Evie, if you close yourself off that way, you'll lose a part of yourself. You might feel a little more secure, but you'll never truly love someone. You can't love without trust. I know you wonder if you'll ever fall in love," she said. "I worry about that too. I hate how much pressure there is on you, and I always have, but you do have the opportunity to grow to love someone, small as it may be. I don't want you to throw that away completely because you're afraid."

"But how will I know it's...okay?" I asked, blinking away tears. "That I won't be trusting the wrong person?"

"If you had honestly thought about it, do you think you'd have trusted him so easily?" she asked.

Looking down, I shook my head. I hadn't cared to think about it very deeply at all. All I cared about was doing something fun and forbidden.

"See?" she said. "You already know. Now you just understand how important it is to use the sense you already have."

I smiled a little. Maybe I wasn't a complete idiot after all.

She touched my face and smiled.

"Why don't we have some hot chocolate brought up, and I'll tell you all about my adventure."

"Sounds good," I said, feeling a little better. I didn't doubt that she was telling the truth and it was comforting knowing that someone as intelligent as my mother could make a mistake like mine. And it's not like people were still talking about it. I hadn't had a clue anything ever happened.

Eventually, they'd forget about my idiocy.