It'll never be me. I'll never be the one he loves. I'll never be the one he looks at and gets happy seeing. I'll never be the one who makes his day and makes him smile the smile of being in love. I'll never be the one he dreams about and thinks about each day. Even though I know this and tell my heart this, it just won't listen to me. It will defy me and want what I know I can't and will never have. Every time I think I'm done and over with it, it tricks me and pulls me right back to beginning. It has me yearning for him. It has me dying inside from knowing the truth. My heart is stubborn that it keeps killing me each time I see him. It screws me over because when I think I'm done it says no, you're not done with him yet. It makes me suffer in silence, to afraid to let go, for fear of wondering what if. What if it could happen ? What if we could be something ? What if he feels for me ? But then I'm snapped back to reality, taken out of the fairytail in my mind, by the truth. That it'll never be me he calls each day to see how I'm doing. It'll never be me he texts morning and night. It'll never be me he kisses and holds. It'll never be me he says "I love you'' too. I'll never be the one who he brings home to the family or takes out on dates. It'll never be me. I'm not the other girls. I'm not the one he wants. And it breaks my heart knowing this. I try to make myself forget about it. I try to force myself to believe that he's just a friend of mine. But my heart says no, you will keep living in this fairytail world you created in your mind. You'll keep getting heart broken every time you see him and get near him. You'll never be over him. I don't say anything because in my mind to me I feel like I'm being a little brat. Even though I've been told I'm not. My heart and mind won't believe it. I feel the need not to talk about it, because who am I to stand in the way of my best friends happiness and him? They claim to be over each other, it's hard to see that. In reality it looks like they're the couple and I'm the extra who got dragged along. I'm the third wheel. And I tell myself to get over it, he wants someone else. But I just can't. My heart just wants the answer to change. Maybe I'm insane. I'm probably insane for thinking that it could ever change. I'm stupid enough to keep hoping for change. I'm too stupid to not give it up and let go. It's hard. It's all I ever wanted. Even though I know it'll never happen. I'm just too afraid to let go. I'm too afraid to lose what I never had. At least, that's what my heart feels like. Instead of letting go, my heart gives me pain and betrays me each time. It stabs me in the back every time. Even after knowing the whole time, that it'll never be me.
