I did it
We... did it
He kissed me
We had sex
I loved it
He took care of me
He made me feel special
He made me feel wanted
But why...
Why am I so confused
Why do I love him still
I thought I was over him..
I guess not
It might have been just me suppressing my emotions so I wouldn't get hurt again
The way he kissed me
The way he kissed me throughout
The way he held my hand
The way he carried me
and held me at my waist
~We went to Splashtown together. Just us two. It was cute. He paid for everything, my ticket in and my food. He didn't have to, but it was nice. He held me at the waist so my back was right against his chest when we we waited in the lines for rides. He held my hand for a bit when walked. He carried me almost the whole time while we were in the Lazy River. I loved it. My emotions came rushing back to me, I thought I was over him but I guess I had just hid everything away. Later on in the car, we laid down in the back. He made the first move by kissing me, it was everything. Then we had sex. I've had sex before, but what made me even more confused was how he would constantly make sure I was okay, made sure I didn't hit my head, and how he kissed me throughout. I thought, "If it's just a fuck why is he doing this?" In just a fuck you normally don't get so close together, you don't just kiss throughout, you don't put more effort into making sure the other is okay and comfortable. In my mind, with how it automatically assumes the worst, I would assume I'm just there to help him get off. But my mind also says if that's true, why is he holding you, kissing you, being so close to you that your chests touch?
Two days after we went to the movies together. He was rubbing my leg a bit. He almost held my hand but backed down a bit. We didn't do anything that day since I was on a time limit to get home. He later apologized for being weird.
Me: What do you mean weird
Me: I had fun today
Him: I think you know what I mean
Me: I really don't. then again I'm very oblivious to things
Him: I don't think you are
Me: That or it takes me a while
Him: I think you know what I mean
I honestly don't what he meant besides the fact he almost held my hand, but that was it.
Then two days later we went to the club together. It was for a friend's birthday of mine. At first there was distance between us, but after my friend made us somewhat dance with each other a for a second he pulled me towards him and held me at my waist again. I loved every minute of it. We went outside to the terrace and sat, all of us. I don't remember what started it, But I think it was when he started leaving butterfly kisses on my cheek. He started holding my hand, we were hugging and laughing. We fell back a bit and he landed on top of me. Then he sat me in his lap as he rubbed my leg and held me close to him. It was strange to me for the reason being that we were in front of my friends, who he also knows well from college. And he kissed me in front of them to. He picked me up and carried me bridal style. It was everything i wanted and more. I just felt so weird about it since when we went to the movies he held back from what looked liked he wanted to hold my hand. He didn't do that in front of strangers, but he did this in front of people we knew, who could take it as we're together or as that we are something even if we're not and if he didn't want us to be. Later on in the night we went to his car. We did it again. We had sex again. And loved everything, the way he kissed me from beginning to end, the way he held my waist, the way he joked with me and grabbed my little belly rolls, the way we laughed with each other while we did it. He was so close to me again, chest to chest, and made sure I was okay. When we would take a break to makes sure we didn't get caught i would just sit in his lap and he would kiss me again. What made more confused by the end was when he kissed me goodbye/goodnight. Originally I was going to hug him goodbye. But he went for the goodnight kiss.
He kissed you goodnight
He likes you
He does
He want you and more
He just wants to fuck you
He doesn't even like you
He doesn't want you
You're just his toy
Something to play with
Why ..
Why do I get myself into these things
These complicated relationships
Why do I tell myself such lies that he likes me
Why do I drag myself down these paths
I can't keep doing this to myself
I cant keep lying to myself
Why do I want him..
Why do I love him?
