Wilted Petals

🌹°~Chapter 7~°🌹

I sat there in silence as I pondered what to do next. Going outside wasn't an option that's for sure. I didn't want to leave the confinements of my dorm in fear of barking up more petals in public.

I look around my room for any entertainment before my eyes settle upon my stack up paper, my quill, and my opened ink pot. I soul crushing idea ran across my mind. My gaze lingured on the objects before slowly reaching into my bedside table's drawer and pulling out a stack of unused envelopes.

I had all the materials mapped put across my bed and just...stared. I stare at the inanimate objects for a period of time before questioning myself.

'Am I really gonna do this? It's not that necessary. I mean, yeah, I have Hanahaki, but it's not that bad. Right!?' I shakily pick up my quill and hesitantly hover it above the ink pot.

The atmosphere in my room had grown thick, yet it was full of silence. The only audible sound in the room was my chest's wheezing along with my ragged and unstable breathing.

'It's only a precaution. It's going to be ok, okay?' I think as I tried to reassure myself. I finally gather the courage to reach for a piece of paper and dip my quill into the ink, slowly letting the excess drip away and onto my bed. I knew it would stain the sheets for who knows how long, but that was the least of my worries.

'Who first, who first, who first?' I chant in my head. I feel my eyes begin to well up with tears as the reality of the situation hits me head-on.

I drop the quill and let it land on my thigh before it rolls onto my bed, permanently staining my sheets.

Both of my hands cup my mouth as I don't care enough to stop the hot tears from streaming down my face. I let out strangled sobs and tried my best to suppress my hyperventilation from conjoing with my hacking.

My throat was pleading me to cough, and I failed at suppressing it as I began to hack and gag through my sobs. A familiar metallic taste, along with another familiar thickness in it's mixed.

At this point, I began to claw, and scratch at my constricting chest as they began to grow tighter and heavier through every passing moment.

I could taste the saltiness of my tears mixed with the rusty blood as the both dribbled past my lips and chin. I don't know how long I'm gonna be able to keep this. I comsidered giving up for good, until a flash of Natsu's smiling face comes into vision. My eyes widen at the image.

Natsu...

It's Natsu...

I don't know what this means, but it gave me something to look forward to. Just imagining him running towards me, the biggest grin etched across his handsome features is what I needed. And I'm going to fight for him!

I stopped clawing at my chest and my bloody hands grabbed handfuls of my comforter, and began to force air back into my lungs. It was incredibly painful as I was now forcefully swallowing the rising petals that have been attemping to escape my throat.

I slowly started gaining morw control of my breathing. I took that as a sign of encouragement to continue to suppress the rising 'bile'.

I clutched the bed tighter and I could feel and hear the blanket tearing and combusting under my iron hold, but I did nothing to loosen my grip.

I don't know how long it's been. Maybe a few seconds? No no no. Minutes. I had finally regained enough oxygen to breath normally.

I finally loosen my grip from my bed. In there place lied a few tattered stiches and punctures residing in the mattress; along with the obvious blood stains.

Sniffling and rubbing my tired tear stained eyes, I force myself out of bed and make my way towards the bathroom.

Turning the lights on, I hesitate before taking a deep breathe and staring into the mirror. My eyes widen at the sight, but at this point why am I surprised. I look just as terrible as I did a...week ago?

The bandages around my neck were tightly secured in place and no blood had seeped through. My matted (h/c) hair sat sloppily on top of my head and my once lively (e/c) orbs were now a dull and lifeless shade of (e/c).

My skin had the tiniest hint of life to it, yet not even to be declared as noticeable. There were two dark and obvious rings under my eyes symbolizing my lack of sleep in its finest.

I sigh before washing away the the layers of wet and dry blood, along with the clumps of flesh in the mix. I look into the mirror and reassure myself.

"It's only for a little while longer. Ok? Just hold on for a little while longer." I mouthed. My voice hasn't come back yet, yet it did make a few sounds here and there.

"See? Were already making progress." I smiled painfully. But then my smile fell as a question surfaced in my mind.

What am I waiting for? A miracle? I cure for Hanahaki just to fall from the sky? Waiting for Wendy to come back with good news?

Waiting for Natsu to love me?

I know many will call me stupid for fighting for something that's already so far beyond my reach. I've considered getting the surgery a few times, but I'm not ready to throw away my feelings for Natsu. Especially not such strong feelings.

But I just can't find it within myself to just flip that switch and expect them to be gone. It's not what I wanted.

I sighed and lazily dried my hands and began to trudge back into my bedroom. I decided to change into a new pair of pjs since I was still wearing the same pair from my last shower.

I walked over to my dresser and grabbed the first tank top and shorts I could get my hands on, (not caring if they were on correctly of not) and plopped onto my bed.

I take another glance at the materials sprawled onto my bed and inhale a deep sigh. 'I shouldn't be thinking too much on this. It's just a precaution, so I shouldn't be sweating too much over this. It's just a few letters.' I convinced myself as I picked up the quill and re-dipped it into the ink pot.

I crumbled the previous piece of paper that lie before me, now stained in fallen ink and small blood splatters, and replaced it with a new piece.

Without dwelling on the situation at hand any longer, my hand began to move on it's on as it began to write a name and multiple sentences that followed soon after.

It's, it's ok, it's ok, it's ok.
It's gonna be ok

I'm ok, I'm ok, I'm ok, I'm ok.
I'm gonna be ok.
~~

Hey peeps!!

Just let me know if the story is getting too confusing because I feel like I'm confusing people.

This chapter was short and kinda boring, but kinda important.

Tbh😊💖