So, this morning I missed the two busses I can catch to come to school in time.
Look, this may seem like a small problem for one but not for me.
My parents have been fighting for a very long time and it all started because of me.
I stole things when I was a kid, not from stores but from school and from other kids.
I never ment anything with it, I had nothing against them but for some reason I didn't think much of it.
This goes back to like 3:rd grade so it's been going on for some time.
Back then I happily didn't know about them fighting.
Though now that I have been "good" they have been speaking to me like I am some kind of therapist, like I'm not their daughter.
Most often it's my mom who speaks to me, she's not my biological mom so it's a small difference but she's been with us since I was around four years of age.
Anyways, she speaks to me and I feel like I am put against my own father. I love him and I think he does some wrongs, though, I wouldn't blame him as he works with not-so-polite people and his workmates are stupid. He practically never leaves work as he always, even when he's off, stresses about it.
There is a cycle in my home that always goes around.
Everything's great - something happens, for example, I miss the bus - my mom gets mad at me - mom tells dad - dad yells at mom, thinking it is her fault - mom yells at me - dad yells at me.... and so on.
In the beginning I was happy my mother spoke to me about what my father did and said but now I am tired of it and it stresses me out. As I mentioned, it makes me feel like I am put against my own father, who I love.
I will tell you, they have been on the brink of divorce a couple times and I would not be surprised if they are as I am writing this.
All of this gives me anxiety and I am not very happy about life.
Not many people know this, I don't blame them. As I had said in a previous chapter I tend to not tell people about myself, such as how I really feel emotionally.
Although this is my situation I can truly say that I am living only because of them. As long as we are together, wether we're happy or not I will not leave.
I hope you had a better or good day~
xoxo Joanne
