Au fait || Park JIMIN

P͎a͎r͎t͎ ͎3͎

Stricken

. . .
▶️•◀️
C H A P T E R 1

P a r t 3

❝If I start crying..
I don't think I would ever stop.❞

"It's okay, Ami-ah...,"

"Though, it'll hurt a bit-,"

I halted mid-sentence as I closed my eyes, feeling heartbroken again as a tear fell down. I couldn't help it, but to continue to cry and sob for a moment.

"I'm sorry,"

"Please forgive me, myself,"

I cried hard once again. As for me, saying the word sorry and feels sorry to myself could cause my heart shattered into thousands of pieces as I could felt thorns were thrust even more and even deeper every time it got glued back together. If this was a physical injury, I must had been let it bleed until I run out of blood.

"I'm so.. so sorry,"

I sounded desperate for forgiveness, hoping that God would wash away the pain and regret for committing self-torture both conscious and subconscious, also mentally and physically towards myself.

The reason of why I am sorry to myself were because I apologised that I am unfortunate, I was born with atrocious and injustice fate, didn't put a trust over my abilities caused me to had a low self-esteem, deficient in countless of ways, sorry for being clumsy and reckless caused myself to face irritate troubles while troubling others, and brought shames upon myself with a lame excuse that it was an act out of immaturity, but when I think about it again, it happened because I didn't think before I act it out.. idiot.

Also, I am barely a good daughter towards my parents, I am a coward who was afraid to chase after her dreams, chase after the things her heart wants to do, want to achieve, I apologized for having such negative thoughts, sorry for slitting my own innocent wrist, for torturing myself, and sorry to be born with a weak mind and weak will.

If I was strong enough, I wouldn't had to suffer like this. Because I know myself that this is now what I want, which reminds me of a song called, Always, by my charismatic and great leader, Kim Namjoon.

If I ever meet God, I would tell him this,

That life is coffee that I never ordered,

I would grab Him by the collar and tell Him,

Death is an Americano you can't refill.

These four lines had been always lingering in my mind ever since this song existed. It was my second anniversary with BTS at that time.

I must say, it was a depressing song, and Kim Namjoon himself admitted that the lyrics are very defensive, but I believe only the right people could stand the lyrics, as well as, understand and value the song and its lyrics. But, this doesn't mean that Kim Namjoon and I loathe the God (nobody would dare to despise the God, and so did the two of us).

It was just that, I think we were feeling a little mad when things got hard so it caused for someone like the two of us to had such feeling of resent and mad towards the fates and the universe.

I inhaled and exhaled, calming myself down again and slowly, the tears dry as the sobs were stopping. I apologized to the universe, but this is me being short-minded and stricken this time. This is me being stupid. Please ignore me for today and turn a blind eye.

Please..

Let me be..

I pressed down my right palm towards the little cold, hard and rough cement, and sprang up as I was sniffing. I rubbed my palms together, cleaning off the dirt that I attained from the ground, and dusting off the dirt of my white shorts to ensure my hands to be in a more clean state. For someone who might die today, I found it slightly ridiculous of me being such a hygienic person.

. . .
T E A S E R O F C H A P T ER 2

"Why did we meet now
after everything that had happened?"

________________________________________
First chapter updated hoho

This chapter is about Park Ami's past and how she had been fighting with herself in her mind since her ankle got fractured.
So.. please bear with me on this one, angels. I promise the second chapter will be a lot better than this huehue so I hope that you'll read the second chapter, angels! 😢💜

Edited version as at 9/1/18