Au fait || Park JIMIN

P͎a͎r͎t͎ ͎2͎

Throws Everything

. . .
▶•◀
C H A P T E R 1

P a r t 2

❝The longer I live,
The harder I die.❞

"Arghh- why?!"

I broke into the morning silence on the street with a brief aching screamed after a short moment of flashed back, feeling agonies and suffocates in the heart as warm tears started to brim and shortly after that, it poured out, raining down my cheeks as I fluttered closed my eyes tight. I ended up crying and sobbing, cascading towards the white dried cement, as seemingly, all parts of my body, especially, my knees were giving up to the universe.

I was heartbroken, again.

"...why?"

I pleaded, as the feelings of indignant and regret came at the same time replacing the feelings of agonies and suffocates.

I covered up my eyes with a palm as I took a seat with my legs folded up to my chest as I crossed my legs while my left knuckles were placed lifelessly touching the ground hard by my left hip.

I could clearly hear bemoan and blubber sounds that got produced out the throat inside my ears as I sounded desperate and miserable. The desperate and miserable the wail sounds I made, the desperate and miserable I wanted to erase these memories out of my mind and this barely unbearable pains out of my heart. Oh, how awful and heartbreaking the cries sang out.

Oddly, at the same time, I wanted to inhale the oxygen as much as I could take as somehow, I couldn't breathe as it should be. Weird. I wasn't even diagnosed with asthma; it was my right ankle that got ruptured.

Help me..

I whispered out an urgency request as I begged in despair, knowing how helpless and pathetic the voices of my heart would sound be if I ever utter it out with my mouth. The sobs were getting hard to stop which causes my shoulders to strenuously jerks up as weariness flashing through the heart and mind, interrupting the feelings of indignant and regret for a moment.

To whom I begged, I begged to the God up in the skies. I had been always wondering if I even deserve neither His attention nor the slightest of His help. Not that, I ask for His sympathy towards the shameless me, but I seek for His blessings and helps regularly through humble prayers.

Please, help me...

My left arm traveled up to my chest and clenched on the sports hoodie, almost crumpling it.

Here, I could feel it.

The feeling of when your brain being piercingly compressed and your heart being disgustingly and frustratingly throbbed.

Seriously, I am broken, man...

I couldn't bottle it up any longer. I wanted- needed to let it out. I'm eager to let loose and how I wished to get into trouble. Besides, I always ended up getting wounded because of the fates always troubling me, and I won't feel much hurt if I get into trouble now.. right?

I cried hard as an idea struck through the mind. That's it. I had made up my mind to let loose today. To get into another trouble. It would be much better if I die from dehydration on such fine weather as I feel like throwing everything away, and as I was eager for a clean start.

I bit the bottom of my lip for a moment as I was attempting to stop the cries and sobs, and then, I started to wipe away the tears with the back of my hands, palms, and knuckles.

It were thoroughly coated with tears as it feels cold when the wind brushed against my skin, but my mind was focusing more on the feelings of the unpleasant determination to die and tire out, as I was consoling myself.

. . .

❁Continue to part 3❁

Edited version as at 6/12/18