Fight or Flight

Chapter 11: plastic can't stay gold pony boy

First things first this chapter is so short, but I'm hoping to make the next chapter longer but I haven't had much time to write latly. I'm not exactly sure why I added this chapter but I though it might be nice to forshadow her background.

Secondly I would just like to bring your attention to the name of my chapter, anyone who hasn't read "The Outsiders" by S.c hinton will not understand it. Also they have not lived....

I looked down at the sheets in disdain, smelling the rancid odor of booze and fish oil emanating from my right. Dirt and grease stains masquerade any signs of what once could have been proper clothing but now hang unattractively off his body. In a useless attempt to hide a burgeoning stomach. Clutter hangs down from the dismally familiar mans widened pocket, spilling out crumbs and miscellaneous objects across the floor. Replacing the rooms conventional sterile atmosphere.

He stands awkwardly off to the side, pretending that his distance will provide an adequate shield concealing him from troublesome situation at hand. Although nothing can absolutely eliminate my, and more likely his foreboding. I don't say anything to give away what I am thinking but I wonder why he has come back. We both tentatively avoid each others gazes and occasional scowls but he eventually acknowledges our awkward predicament. But I am not so quick to absolve the faults in rachels plan to bring us back together. The same rachel who slowly peers in through the foggy glass door to my room, appearing only as a caucasian shadow. I can't figure out who i resent more, Rachel for bringing him back into my life (after I made it clear he was not wanted) or Jacob the man who ruined his life.

~*~*~*~*

I growl in a throaty tone. My lips taught, pulled back into a hardened grimace. Jacob stutters out air until concluding with silence. I don't even try to add anything, content with ignoring him completely. A small crack in the door emerges drawing my attention away from the man I hoped not to see again, to the girl I wish not to see now. As the crack widens I can clearly see the small red head walk cautiously through the doorway, halting quickly once inside and cowering slightly. Normally she would have laughed at inconveniencing me in such a way but with me confined to a hospital bed I can see she is sympathetic. Also quite disheveled, her hair crazy and tangled, wearing straight jeans, mismatched flip flops and a nirvana t-shirt (aka her sad weekend attire.)

"Knock, knock knock" she laughs quietly, in a forcefully upbeat, musical tonality. I can see her squirm inside her flip flops under my painful glare, twirling her left foot behind her right one uncomfortably.

"Nice to see you again rachel" Jacob waves half heartedly. I can feel my eyes roll back into my skull, which makes Rachel inwardly shutter.

"You too" she squeals, with a small grin aimed towards to the floor tiles.

"Yeah" he nods dismissively.

Jacob's hair is much longer than it was the last time we saw each other four years ago, it grips to his skin and forehead in greasy strands. Ending near his large shoulders in dirty blond unkempt waves. His unshowerd pale skin has loosened near his neck a little and unfamiliar wrinkles have formed near the corners of his eyes and mouth. his body is slouched under the weight of insomnia and alcohol. The only thing to remain throughout the years is the glazed distant look of his eyes, which are a stubborn milky black. He squints slightly making me wonder if the drugs got to his eyes, but he is clean now. Or so I was told from countless letters, but I can't read guilt from script.

He used to be the heartthrob of our high school, girls would fawn over his every one of his idiotic words. Drooling over his yearbook picture and talking themselves up in the mirror preparing themselves for him to one day talk to them. With one flex of his muscles the girls panties were around their legs and he would say he'd call tomorrow. Breaking their hearts when he never did. Every guy wanted to be friends with him, but most wern't good enough. Every girl wanted to be with him, but their boobs were not big enough. Everybody loved him, leaving me in his dusty barren shadow. He was a football star and I was in debate club. No wonder he was the popular one, but look at him now. Even Rachel had her moments of dreaming what it would be like kissing the school's most gorgeous jock, those moments were my nightmares incarcerated. He drew everybody in like a fly to his warm light, and that's why no one questioned him when he said he 'didn't do drugs.' Who would question the golden boy? But all that glitters is not gold.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Kim... I've missed you" he coos cautiously over thin porcelain egg shells. I retort with a masochistic grimace instead of the smile he was hoping for. Jacob sways

"I haven't. How longs it been? four years? Where were you again? Oh yeah making booze in a toilet douchebag!" he doesn't respond. "So how about you leave before I sue you with a disturbance charge, I'm sure your probation officer would adore the attention!"

"Come on kim" Rachel chimes in pleading me to talk further. I send her a harsh look and she settles quickly down. I nod my head in displeasure at the both of them, who look unsure of what to do with themselves. Rachels skin looks sickly and pale, but this usually happens when she is uncomfortable.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Look kim, he's your brother. He may have caused you pain and misfortune in the past, but he's here to see if you're okay! You are in the fucking hospital so get over yourself. So please just talk. he has problems and has made plenty of ill advised and catastrophic mistakes" she aims this last part at jacob. "But you can't just ignore him!" she looks questionably for a moment for me to respond.

"I think I can" I say turning onto my side.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I know I should forgive him, I would like nothing more than to be able to do just so. But I can't, I don't care he made my life a little difficult. I was in law school difficult is a way of life, but he ruined his life, the life that made me aspire to be a lawyer. The big brother taking down the criminal, the little sister locking them away. I suppose I had many flaws in my plan, one being he was corrupt the other I didn't go into criminal law.

All that glitters isn't gold.

READ VOTE COMMENT!! I think i finaly know where this is going and im so sorry it took me so long to update....but....