In His World.

The Yearning

The letter trembles in my grasp, words melting into each other and running down the page like tears down my face. She's angry, I can tell. But I am, too.

Sharp pain darts through my chest and I take a shuddering breath, sinking into my desk chair as I stare at the words she penned.

I don't know why you're so hung up on the Jay thing.

Well guess what, Rain? Neither do I!

I don't know why the thought of him taking her stargazing grates on my nerves, it just does. I don't know why I just want to punch him in the face for buying her a necklace. I don't know why I can't just be happy that she's found someone to get along with.

The ache in my chest flares in intensity, and a gasp rips through my throat. I grab at the glass of water on my desk, but it falls of and smashes.

"You alright?" Isaiah calls from the bedroom. I forgot he's here; sitting in the walk-in wardrobe and trying on all my jackets. He apparently doesn't have any of his own, and needs one for whatever he's doing tonight.

I honestly think he just wants one of my jackets.

"I'm fine!" I call back, trying to keep my voice even as I lurch away from the desk and into the kitchen. I splash my face with water and shake off the excess, hurrying back over to my desk. I stare down at the letter, my stomach tying itself in knots.

You made your choice.

How did it get to this? How did I let it get this far?

I rub my tired eyes and sink into my seat, sighing heavily as I write back.

~~~

Dear Rain,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm being confusing and stubborn, I really don't know what's wrong with me. Please don't be mad at me, I just~

I miss you so much. And yeah, it's really hard being the only one. I still feel alone, even in a crowded place. I'm always looking over my shoulder, I'm practically afraid of my own shadow. I'm plagued by the thought that at any second, someone will find me out an they'll do to me what they do to those people on the news. What they did to my parents.

I wasn't lying when I said this group is making it better - I'm out of the public eye a lot more, and it's all a good distraction, but that sick feeling is still there.

I've been afraid for so long, I feel like I can't even function properly.

I'm sorry.
Ezekiel.

~~~

I stuff the letter inside an envelope and smudge my frustrated tears away. I can't explain why I feel this way. Why my chest aches every time I think of her. If I could just see her, we could fix this. But I can't. I can't fix anything.

"What do you th~" Isaiah begins, stopping short when he takes a look at me, "Is something wrong?" He looks down to my hand that clutches the envelope, scrunching it a little from the force and trembling like a leaf.

"It's fine," I say, and thankfully my voice is even, "Did you choose a jacket?"

His worry forgotten, Isaiah grins and turns in a circle, showing off the brown leather one he chose, "How do I look?"

"Like an idiot, as always," I reply, tucking the envelope quietly into my own jacket. "You can keep that one if you want, I forgot I even had it."

Isaiah's eyes light up. "Thank you! It's because you always wear black, isn't it?" I shrug and he only grins more. "That's fine, if you're gonna always be a goth does that mean I can have the rest of your coloured stuff?"