DESPERADO | Serpents of Western Rock Book #1

F O U R: Withdrawals

Ｊｏｓｉｅ:

   I've been vomiting all night in the bathroom across from my room. I could hear Ben and Gabriel talking in low voices in the hallway.
   "I thought she was okay," mumbled Gabriel.
   Ben sighed and replied, "I don't know."
   I heard a sudden knock on the bathroom door. It startled me and I wiped the sweat from my forehead.
   The door peeled open slowly. Ben stayed in the hall and Gabriel crouched down to my level. Sympathy covered his face.
   I was a tiny bit drunk still, but not enough to diminish the embarrassment that came over me. This wasn't one of my finer moments.
   "I should've been there tonight."
   He's only assuming the worst. I didn't tell them anything. When I made it home, I ran straight upstairs and slammed the bathroom door. All they knew was the paleness on my face and the sweat seeping off my body.
   "I'm just drunk. I didn't do anything," I hissed angrily.
   He looked unconvinced. "When was the last time?"
   I swallowed hard. I didn't want to answer that.
   "You said you were clean on the road, Jo."
   I peaked up to see Ben with his head down, shaking it in disappointment.
   "And I was!"
   Gabriel put a hand on my shaky shoulder. His face dipped to look at me, pleading for honesty.
   I groaned. "I just slipped up the morning I got back. It was one time. Some guy at a truck stop offered and I was just so disappointed after my trip. It was basically been thrown in my face before my show the other night and I still refused. You have to believe me. I'm fine!" I didn't realize I was crying now.
   I heard Ben in my bedroom turning on the air conditioner and spotted him putting flu medicine on my bedside.
   "You can't keep doing this to yourself..." Gabriel's voice was almost less than a whisper. I hurt him. I hurt Benji. I shouldn't have come back. "We love you," he continued, as if he knew exactly what I was thinking. "We love you and we want you to be happy and healthy. You're better than this. You're better than..."
   "My mother," I finished for him, a darkness covering my expression.
   "He didn't say that." Ben stood in the doorway looking down at me now. He seemed lost. He seemed worried.
   "He didn't have to."
   Gabriel tucked his hand under my elbows to help me up but something in me took over. I shoved him away aggressively.
   "Please," he pleaded.
   "Leave me be!"
   Ben turned to go down the hallway and Gabriel sighed out of frustration. He looked at my shaking hands before standing upright. "I'm staying here tonight."
   I glared into the distance. "I don't need a fucking babysitter."
   "I think you do."
   "I didn't even do anything tonight!" I repeated harshly, my voice was strained.
   "But you did the other day, Josephine!" He was angry with me and showing it now. "You know you're not fucking weak, and you let yourself do it anyway. Clearly someone has to watch over you."
   "I don't want your fucking protection."
   His face was clouded with outrage. "I'm going to assume it's the fuckin withdrawals talking and not get offended. Go to bed."
   And with that the door was slammed and I was left on the bathroom floor, hugging my knees and rocking back and fourth. I was so cold and so nauseous.
   I've been fine the passed day, but with how close I came to screwing up tonight has really messed with my brain. Now I feel like my body is melting and my bones will break any second.
   If I just gave in, I wouldn't be so sick. That damn biker had to come in and play rescue. Who the hell did he think he was? He can go hook up with those slutty twins from the club and screw them on his bike for all I care. I didn't need a stranger in a leather jacket saving me like I'm some damsel in distress.
   I didn't need anybody to save me. I didn't need Gabriel and Benji looking at me like I'm some poor deer hit by a truck on the freeway, breathing my last breath. I didn't need Marco on my ass every second trying to bribe me into a life I had already escaped. I didn't need a mother who was worse off than myself and never came back for me. I didn't need that stupid club owners money. I didn't need anything but those damn drugs.
   I reached for my phone in my back pocket and leaned against the cold bathroom wall.

Badass:
If you want to thank me, let me see you again

   Was he serious?
   I tossed my phone on the bathroom floor and stared at it. This crazy ass gang banger is playing Prince Charming just to get in my pants. I wasn't stupid. This is what they all do. There's a reason people stay away from guys like him.
   But for some other reason, I couldn't stop thinking about wanting to respond.
   Instead of giving in, I puked some more.

⇥ ❂ ⇤

   I woke up in my bed, completely under the covers and a cold wash cloth on my forehead. God, the headache was real. My eyes squinted at the sunlight baring in through the large windows and I groaned out in pain.
   I snapped up when the curtains swiftly closed and a footstep beside me stepped close.  
   Benji stood there, concern firmly on his dark face.
   "Ben," I whined. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean—," I stopped immediately because he was at my level and embracing me with warmth and affection.
   "Josie," he began ever so softly. He pulled away from the hug and looked deeply into my eyes. "I do not blame you for what's happened to you in your life. But I hold you accountable for what you do about it now. You've gotten yourself free from everything your mother couldn't free herself from. You're stronger than anyone could imagine. Don't start neglecting yourself now. You've gotten this far."
   I began to tear up and I wiped my puffy eyes immediately. They hurt to the touch. Everything hurt. It hurt to lay down, sit up, talk, cry, breathe. But most of all it hurt to hear his painful words escape his mouth.
   "I will never give up on you. Neither will Gabriel. Shit, he hasn't slept a blink tonight. He found you in the bathroom last night passed out on the floor and I never saw him so scared in my life."
   My voice shook, "I don't want to scare him. I don't want to hurt either of you anymore."
   "Stop," choked a very weak and tired looking Gabriel from the doorway. "You are only hurting yourself, Jo."
   His father nodded in agreement. "Darlin, we'll have no choice next time."
   That wasn't a warning, it was a promise.
   "I don't want to admit you, but if you slip up again, we cannot take the risk." Ben looked mentally gone.
   "We refuse to watch you kill yourself," Gabriel said. "And I know it's not your fault that you struggle. I know this shit was forced on you. But you have a choice now, Josephine."
   I nodded. My chest hurt. Not just because I was sick but because my heart was slowly breaking. "I'll do better," I replied, sounding constrained. "I promise."
   They gave weak smiles and kissed my cheek and forehead before letting me be alone again. I was so thankful for them, they cared so much. They truly were my family. I just couldn't believe I let myself hurt them this badly. I shouldn't have come back.
   Bing.
   I grabbed my phone from under the blankets and switched the side button to silent. That text alert pierced my ears. Looking at the screen, I was getting ready for the threats Marco was bound to send me. Instead, a certain badass texted me.

  Get home safe?

   I fell against my pillow and stared at the text. The last thing I need to do is get involved with someone and drag them into my troubled life. My gut kept jabbing at me to respond 'yes, thank you' but my head told me to let him live his life safe from me. Far from me. I had to push him away.

   Go find another weak innocent girl to save.

   Sent.
   It wasn't long after that he replied.

   Ok, I'll just wait till u get urself caught up in some other shit and need my saving