DESPERADO | Serpents of Western Rock Book #1

T W O: Why'd you only call when you're high

Ｊｏｓｉｅ:

I woke up to the cozy smell of coffee and the sound of folk music playing downstairs. That had to mean breakfast was being made.
I hurried into the bathroom across the hall to brush my teeth. I splashed water on my face and applied some mascara, taking in a breath.
A new breath, a new day. I could do this. I was strong. I was powerful. I was happy. I was free.
As soon as I heard the porch door swing open, I perked up. Throwing on high waisted shorts and a white band tee, I booked it down the staircase.
"No fucking way," said an excited voice when I hit the bottom step.
"Gabriel!" I immediately dropped my phone on the kitchen island and jumped into his arms. He was more muscular than the last time I saw him, rougher around the edges. But his grin stayed boyish and his brown eyes smiled along. I tousled up his short dark brunette hair.
   "God, I missed you," he groaned into my neck.
   I pulled away to look at him, squeezing his light brown cheeks. Over his shoulder, I spotted Benji leaning against the sink, nearly peeling over with happiness. His son looked like him more than ever these days. I didn't think I was gone that long.
   "I didn't know you were in town!" I boasted.
   He squeezed my arms and stared at me. "I'm back at Blackwood's Construction. Plus," he motioned to his father, "Dad told me you came back yesterday morning."
   I gave Benji a loving look. He shrugged his shoulders humbly.
   "Sit, sit," he told Gabriel and I, waving his hand toward the wooden bar stools beside the makeshift island. "I made fry bread."
   "Hell yeah." I snatched a fork out of Ben's hand before he even had a chance to offer it to me. I began stabbing at my food like a child.
   Gabriel cackled. "Hungry much?"
   "I swear she didn't eat on the road." His dad drizzled some honey onto my plate.
   "Right," Gabriel murmured matter of factly, "The road...How was it? Did anyone follow you? Did you find her? Have you been okay?"

   Ben almost choked while sipping his coffee. Clearly he was more startled by the direct questions than I was myself. I expected them. In all honesty I expected more prying. I got my phone shut off after a few months on the road for not paying it, so I knew we had a lot of catching up to do.
   I sighed and put my fork down, interlocking my fingers against my chin in thought. "Nobody followed me. I'm free from that shit. And Raven is nowhere to be found. But I kind of realized on this trip that I don't care. Sucks I had to drive around the country to figure that out." I forced a little laugh.
   The corners of Ben's mouth curled up sympathetically.
   "You and Ben have been my family since day one. She didn't want me then, she doesn't want me now. She clearly didn't want to be found."
   Gabriel's look fell sad. "At least she loved you enough to stay away. I mean, god she was sick. I was young when she was around but I remember. She was addicted to her lifestyle and she couldn't even stay off the drugs when she was pregnant with you."
   His father dropped a knife into the sink loudly. "Watch it, Gabriel."
   "Dad, you know damn well, you grew up with Raven. She wasn't healthy and Jo was better off without her."
   "I don't care if you're 3 or 30, watch it. Raven was forced into a bad lifestyle and wasn't strong enough to get out. She felt she had no other choice."
   I shook my head even though I understand. I didn't really care. Life got rough and I wanted to find a way out so I tried to find my mother. I didn't know her; she was a stranger to me. She gave me up as soon as she had me. She had no other family around Nevada and dropped me off at Benji's without a warning to him. Ditched me as a newborn.
Yeah, I could say I'm angry about it. That I've held this grudge for so long now that sometimes it hurts to think about. But, my life is better without her. I knew her unwanted lifestyle all too well...So if she were involved in my life, I can't imagine how much worse it would've actually been for me. "It doesn't matter. You took me in as a daughter and I'm nothing but grateful for it." I had to change the subject. "Shit, you even kept my room together."
   "Gabriel wouldn't have let me touch your room even if I wanted to."
   I gave him a cheeky smile.
   "What?" Gabriel wrapped his arm over my shoulders loosely. "You're my little sister." And I was more than grateful for that. "So when do you want to go out and celebrate your homecoming?" Gabriel said while chewing.
   "How about we grab some beers from the market and head to Eagle's Head? Benji?" I asked. "Wanna come?"
   He paused before responding to me. "I actually have a date tonight."
   What? Benji Rivers is dating? I've been gone far too long. This old man has been nothing but a father to me that I neglected to realize he had his own life. He never really dated because he was too focused on raising Gabriel and I. His version of having fun was lighting up a fire and having his boys over for a few beers. Which is fun, absolutely. But that was the extent of it.
   "Get it, pops."
   Ben made a shewing gesture to his son and headed outside to make a call.
   "So?" I offered again.
   "I actually have some errands to run, I'm on break at the moment. I just had to stop by to see you even for a second. I figured we'd plan for later so we can talk about your trip. Do you wanna meet at Rocco's and play some pool this afternoon?"
Everyone and their mother goes to Rocco's. Besides last nights pointless show at Red Light, I wanted to avoid seeing anyone here that I grew up around. They all just knew me as the messed up girl with no friends. But I don't know what I expected, Western Rock was a small town.
   I swallowed my pride and nodded in agreement. Maybe getting out will be good for me.
I stumbled back into my overactive mind, tugging at the thought that it may not have been completely pointless to show up at that club last night...This mystery guy caught my attention hard. But I embarrassed myself by screaming at the club owner when he wouldn't pay me. Not to mention he saw the heavy argument by the dressing room way before that. I literally avoided eye contact so hard when I walk by him. Even on stage I avoided it until my dumbass looked up and his deep brown eyes taunted me. No stranger has done that to me, you know, make me go weak in the knees.
"Cheer up, kid." Gabriel leaned over and kissed my cheek. "You're home and you're safe and things are looking up." He stood up and snagged his keys from beside the fridge. "I'll meet you for 5."
"Okay," I chirped, itching at my arm nervously.
He grabbed my hand to stop me and kissed it. He followed it with the kind of hug that cracks all of your bones, then said that he loved me before snatching the rest of his food and heading out the door.
I was left sitting there unsure of what to do next. Ben was still outside on his phone, laughing and blushing. Kicking the gravel with his boots like a teenage girl.
   I felt so happy for him, it was good to see him doing something for himself for once. But I also felt a ping of loneliness knowing that I've missed so much. Knowing that my town has changed and my family has moved forward. Life truly goes on without you. Do I even really belong here? How could I be so selfish to think things would stay the same for me?
   I found myself upstairs back in my bathroom not long after that, staring at the full pill bottle in the medicine cabinet. I just continued to stare blankly. I didn't reach for it. I just looked hard at it before slamming the cabinet shut.

⇥ ❂ ⇤

   It was 7 o'clock when Gabriel finally responded to my texts. He got stuck at work and couldn't make it tonight. By the time he replied I was already a few shots in. All I could taste was Hornitos and loneliness tingling the back of my throat.
   "Another round, my dear?"
   I looked at the bartender for a moment and studied his wrinkles and genuine smile. His eyes had a story. He's seen some shit in his lifetime.
   "She'll have another."
   My stomach flipped and curled with nerves. I turned around to see that cocky smile and dull brown eyes. He admired my weakness. I wanted nothing but to slap that grin off of his face. "Marco."
   "Josie," he greeted curtly. "I'm glad you called me."
   I was desperate, is what I wanted to say. "I figured since you tried so hard last night, I'd let you buy me a drink."
   "I've got her tab," he nodded at the bartender overconfidently. "Hurry and take that shot."
   I looked down at my shaky knees and downed the tequila. I didn't want to allow any time to second guess myself. I felt it hit the back of my throat and then slowly make its way through me, heating my stomach. "Why, where are we going?"
   He tapped his pocket and winked.
   I swallowed hard and played with the ends of my hair.
   He tossed a fifty to the man serving me and my sorrows. Roughly, he grabbed my wrist to lead me to the bathroom. He didn't even acknowledge the old man.
   "Thank you." My words towards the bartender faded away as we began to the back of the bar.
My eyesight was a little fuzzy and my legs felt like jello. I don't know why, but I was focused on the scenery like it was all about to change. Photos of guns and cowboys scattered across the brick walls, the leather booths and vintage wooden tables crowded the room. Arctic Monkeys began to play over the speakers.
   Abruptly, I was up against the brick bathroom wall and Marco had locked the oversized door. He immediately was close to my chest, tapping the wall beside my left ear.
   "What?" I hissed at him.
   "I'm just glad you called," he repeated. I felt his breath touch my skin, sending warning signals all over my body.
   I shook my head and chuckled arrogantly. "Don't grow a big head, Marco. This isn't about you."
   He took a finger and trailed it down my face, which was now heating up due to my nerves. "No, it's about you. Benji and Gabriel not loving you anymore? You're not making any money to support yourself? You couldn't find mommy and now you have nowhere to turn? You only crawl back when life gets rough."
   "Shut the fuck up."
   He snickered. A smug look planted itself upon his face and he tossed a baggy onto the sink.
   "Hurry." He handed me a card and pulled out a bill.
   For a moment, I just stood there. I remained facing him, but my eyes trailed off to the sink. I tapped the card against my leg.
   "Come on, now," he insisted. "Franco is waiting for us."
   I allowed myself to breathe and stumbled over to look in the mirror. I was flushed. My lips swollen from biting on them in my unease. My eyes were glossy and I soon started to recognize the monster in the mirror. And I wasn't talking about Marco.
   I didn't become conscious of my hold on the baggy until I had it spilled out on Marco's ID and he was busy rolling up the twenty dollar bill. I began to inhale and exhale a little harder. My chest was tight and my whole body was stiff with anxiety.
   "I..." I didn't know if I could do this. I mean, I could. I absolutely could. I wanted to. But I know I shouldn't. I already screwed up once.
   "You can't back out now. Everyone's so excited." He handed me the twenty and played with my hair.
   "You told them all I was coming back?" I asked through clenched teeth, obviously frustrated.
   He nodded. He took the ID out of my hand and pushed it up to my nose.
   "No...I can't..."
   His expression hardened and his eyes felt like knives in my stomach. "I came all the way over here. Franco is at the warehouse. He's not gonna be happy if you back out now."
   I shivered a little. My face became hotter, if that were even possible. I knew this wasn't right...but this is all I knew. And I can't keep running. They will always find me. My head just wasn't on right. I shouldn't have called him.
   "I think I made a mistake calling you here." My hands gripped the edge of the cold porcelain sink, still trying to resist. I pushed up and down on my toes. I kept looking in the mirror to see if I could find any trace of the girl that ran away from all of this. If she was there, she was hiding really well.
   I felt his hot breath on my cheek again. "There's no turning back."
   "No," I continued to repeat. I shook my head frantically. "There is."
   Marco grasped my wrist tightly, this time way too hard, and shoved the card a little closer to my face. "This is what you're good for, Josie. All you're fucking good for."
   "No, no, no, no."
   "Do it."
   "Please," I begged breathlessly.
   "Do it, Josephine."
   "No..."
   And before I could register anything, a cool breeze blew upon my face, followed by something else.