Stranger Girl

4th Day - Anxiety

The past two days had been very emotional and happy at the same time, I had promised Luna and Charley that I would not start self-harming again and they were checking my wrists every day. But I couldn't keep this promise, if I suddenly felt sad or angry that’s how I would release it.

I woke up to Luna smiling at me and combing through my hair with her hands. I smiled back at her sleepily and said morning.

"Morning, sorry your hair was in your face and I like it when it's messily styled." Apologized Luna.

"It's ok, but you know I don't like it to much when it's like that."

"Haha, but you look like KickThePJ off YouTube. Like have you never noticed? You look almost identical." She laughed. I brought up a picture on google and compared my face in the mirror. I cannot believe I have never noticed that I do look a lot like him. I have the same messy curly hair, the big strong bottom jaw, the same eyes and very similar build - tall and slim with thin legs and fairly broad shoulders. I couldn't believe it, I wasn't a look alike but I did look very similar. I always thought Charley looked like Emma Watson just with different coloured hair and hair style, she has also been told this by a lot of people so it's not just me, ahaha. I couldn't really make out if Luna looked like anyone, she does look a bit like Kalel Cullen also off YouTube, but with different hair colour - but I didn't tell her this.

We planned to go swimming in the sea today and just sunbathe. But it was still only early so no one else was awake. Jasmine had fully recovered from being ill which was good because, we could go out more. Everyone had promised that someone had to be with me at all times, to prevent anymore issues. Which I didn't really mind. Luna was hopefully meeting her mum tomorrow, and she was really nervous and excited. I was starting to miss home and my mum being here, but I told myself I was fine.

***

It's was now 10:00am and I was waiting for the others and then we were going to the beach. I was really excited because I loved the beach. I don't really know why but it relaxes me in some way, which is good because of the current situation. I wore my swimming shorts and just a random t shirt. So after waiting for another 10 minutes they were finally ready, so we took the stairs down to the lobby. Then we walked out and found a nice spot on the beach with a sunbed. I took off my t shirt and shoes, then waded into the sea. It was so warm and was so different from the British sea temperature which was always freezing. I walked out as far as I could and then admired the view, it was amazing. I felt relaxed and like I didn't have care in the world. When I was at my lowest in life, I came to the beach. Next I heard the others shouting me because they wanted me to come back. So I swam back and walked out the warm sea into the even warmer air. They wanted me to come back to take photos and just to chat. We all squeezed onto the sunbed and took photos, some really funny and some nice ones too. After this we all sunbathed so we could try and catch a tan, so we looked like we had actually been abroad. I tanned pretty easily so this wasn't a problem, and Charley was naturally tanned anyway. Laying in the sun for nearly 2 hours was enough so we got up and put on proper clothes and went for a walk.

Me, well, I wasn't too keen on this idea because it was really busy and crowded and this brings on panic attacks. I tried to stay as calm as possible. But I didn't like it because I couldn't get out from it and it was so claustrophobic. My heart was racing and I could feel a panic attack coming on, and I started to feel dizzy. I held my hand to my forehead and stopped and started wavering in different directions.

"Tom, Tom you ok?" A familiar voice questioned. I was totally not ok, but I didn't want to trouble anyone so I just nodded. The voice just echoed in my head and I felt someone grab my shoulders. It was Luna. I quickly flinched and looked at her. But I couldn't concentrate and my breathing was getting faster, and I felt so light headed and dizzy. The whole world had gone into slow motion. My friends were walking with me like it was all fine but it wasn't, they thought I was fine. Then my whole body weakened and I collapsed. I started falling backwards and my knees gave way. I felt some strong arms catch me and pick me up, it must have been Scott.