Wonderwall

Louis' P.O.V

Louis’ P.O.V

It was late in the evening, around 7:00 pm, when Liam, Niall, Zayn and I all sat around the kitchen island. It was nothing out of the ordinary as we talked about our daily antics over a cup of tea, but something felt wrong. Harry wasn’t with us. Once the conversation died down I decided to ask, “Have you guys seen Harry?” Getting their attention I added, “I haven’t seen him since we got back, and that was like an hour ago.” The boys looked at me and each other, all with confusion in their faces, no one saw him. “Weird... I’m gonna go check his room.” I said, leaving my tea on the island as I left.

The plush carpet was somewhat soothing under my bare feet. I couldn’t help the nerves that surfaced my mind as I neared Harry’s room. Was he alright? He seemed fine earlier in the day, maybe he’s just tired. I tried to convince myself that was his reason for not being with us, he always sits and talks with us. Then again, he has been quite distant lately. I tried to shake the thought out of my mind as I put my hand on the doorknob and raised my other to knock on the door, “Harry,” I said just above a whisper, “I’m coming in.” I opened the door to be greeted by darkness and Harry curled under his blankets. I couldn’t see much except his mess of curls. Sighing, I walked towards the bed and sat down. “Harry, are you alright?” I asked while rubbing his back through the blankets. No response. “Come on Haz, talk to me.”

The blankets moved a bit, and the mop of curls sunk lower out of sight. “No.”

Harry sounded mad and upset, and it pained me to know he was hurt. I was curious to know what was going on, so I pushed again, “Please...”

I heard Harry grunt, then he pushed the blankets off him and sat up facing me. “Lou,” He started, looking me dead in the eyes. His voice was low, almost threatening. “Go away.”

I clenched my jaw, forcing myself to not cry. He was never this way with me. Hurt by Harry’s words, I angrily spat out “Why?” leaving my eyes locked on his.

Harry cursed and raised his arm, and for a second I swore he was about to hit me. That’s when I saw it. Before he could get a word out I grabbed his arm, “Oh my God...” I spoke softly. I saw the cuts, extending from his mid forearm to the bend of his elbow. They were thick, all varying in size and redness, some even looked fresh. “Harry... Why didn’t you-”

Harry jerked his arm out of my grasp, cutting me off. “Just get out, Lou. I don’t want to talk about it.” His voice was firm.  I stood to leave, but I couldn’t move. Half of me wanted to stay and comfort Harry, but the other half of me wanted to leave. “Please,” Harry begged, his voice cracked and he looked like he was about to cry, “Leave me alone...”

“Fine,” I breathed. Unsure if Harry heard me, I added “I’ll go.” But I still stood frozen to the floor.

There was an odd tension between us. It was uncomfortable and intense. My heart felt heavy as well as my eyelids and my body felt numb, almost like it was gravitating towards the helpless boy on the bed. I know he didn’t want me to leave. I know he wanted me to comfort him, to hold him close and tell him everything will be alright. And, God, I wanted nothing more than to do that. But I couldn’t. Something changed in me and I couldn’t be here, I didn’t want to see Harry like this any longer, I had to leave. I soften my expression, my straight lips dropping to a frown as I took one last look at him. I studied his face, and then glanced at his arm. He was holding it like it was a baby, and I knew he knew that I was looking, yet he didn’t try to hide the wounds. Tears stung my eyes as I looked back at his face, his eyes pleading. I shook my head then disappeared out of the dark room.