Wonderwall

Louis' P.O.V

It was over an hour ago that I walked out on Harry. I paced my room as I thought of what just happened. What the hell did just happen? I found out my best friend’s been cutting, quite a lot judging by the destroyed skin, and that he must’ve been depressed. Hell, why else would be he cutting himself? I need to talk to him, but just the very thought of him doing something like that, and not telling me, makes my blood boil. I know that I shouldn’t be mad right now, but honestly, I just can’t help it. It makes me wonder what else Harry’s been hiding from me. God, I sound like a selfish son of a bitch.

My mind was going a mile a minute as I continued to pace. Why was this bothering me so much? Of course I care about the boy, but I doubt I’d be this bothered if it were any of the other guys. What did this mean? Sighing heavily, I walked towards my mirror. I looked like an absolute mess; bags under my eyes were forming, my hair was sticking up in different directions and my cheeks were a slight red colour. The situation clearly stressed me out. “I need a drink...” I grumbled to myself. I quickly changed into something more suitable to go out in before fixing my hair and leaving my room.

I was hesitant as I walked down the hall, trying to decide if I should go talk to Harry or not. Standing at the top of the stairs, I looked down the hall to Harry’s room. The door was wide open, so he must not be in. I shrugged and walked downstairs, stopping dead in my tracks when I heard Harry’s deep voice from the kitchen.

“I just don’t know what to do you guys...” I heard Harry say. I kneeled down, trying to listen more easily.

“I really don’t know what to tell you man. This is all so new to me.” Niall said.

Liam added, “Yeah Harry, who knows what would come of it...”

It was silent for a second, then I heard Zayn say “Just go for it.”

What the hell? I continued to walk down the stairs and entered the kitchen. I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable for the second time tonight as I stood there. All four boys were staring at me, but Harry’s gaze burned right through my body. I looked at him, he was wrapped up in a blanket and I instantly felt like I needed to hold him. He looked so small and fragile, almost scared, his face was slightly pale and his eyes were red. Had he been crying? My feelings were contradicting each other again and I decided I needed to leave. I backed up slowly as my eyes shifted between each boy, “I’m going out, don’t wait up.” I bluntly said. Awkwardly, I left the house just as I heard Harry shout “Louis, wait-”

~

I got in my car and drove to the local pub. Management would have me killed for being out without security, but it was a quiet town and right now I could care less. I needed to get my thoughts in order or I might go mad. I arrived at the pub and found a place to park. Stepping out in the brisk night weather helped me cool off a bit. I zipped my jacket up slightly and headed inside, placing my hands in my pockets.

The nice thing is that the staff here knew me. I came here so frequently, sometimes with the boys but most other times on my own to gather my thoughts or drown then in a pool of alcohol. I sat at one of the bar stools on the far end of the counter, trying to stay out of sight. Tiffany, one of the older bar tenders, noticed me and she walked over. “How you doing, Louis? Can I get you anything?” She asked with her sweet southern charm, already pulling up a bottle of Jack Daniels. It was a little odd that she had a southern accent, considering we’re in London, but it was the rustic charm in it that made her so loveable and inviting.

I nodded towards the bottle in her hand, “You know just the cure.” I smiled. “And I’m doing fine.”

Tiffany handed me a shot glass of Jack and I downed it in a heartbeat. She had an unconvinced look on her face, and I knew that she knew something was up. “Wanna talk about it, Boo?”

My face dropped to a frown, feeling the tingle of the alcohol run through my throat. I looked down at my lap, nodding once. I haven’t got much to lose. She’s wise in her old years and has been there for me all the time. I pushed the shot glass towards her, signaling another shot. She filled it and asked, “So what’s on your mind?”

I looked up at her, “Harry.” I felt her watch me as I downed the drink for a second time. She stayed silent, allowing me to continue. “You see,” I paused, leaning forward, “Harry’s been doing something really dark lately, and I feel like the worst friend ever because of how I’m acting. I’m mad, hell, I’m beyond pissed off. I can’t help it though. Harry’s always been so sweet and loving... He’s been so open to me all the time, and him hiding that from me, his fucking best friend... It really gets to me. I love him dearly and I just don’t want to see him hurt. I’d kill anyone that tries to hurt him, but knowing that he’s been hurting himself... It kills me.” Tears started to form in my eyes.

Tiffany sighed and placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. “Honey, I know how much you care about Harry. I see how you two treat each other. Nothing, no matter what, should push you away from him. If Harry needs you, be there for him. He may not make it verbal, but trust me, he needs you just as much as you need him. It’s not worth being mad about.” Tiffany smiled, “Now I’m no love doctor, but I know Harry loves you. And judging by how you two act, I know you love him too.”

I quizzically asked, “Tiffany, what are you talking about?”

The sweet old lady smiled once again, “Louis, you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s up to you to decide on how to handle it.” I smiled at her. She was right. I do love Harry... He’s like a brother to me. It was a comfortable silence between us two, and then Tiffany spoke up again, “Now I think it’s about time you head on home. Call a friend, I don’t want you getting hurt.”

I lightly squeezed Tiffany’s hand on my shoulder, “Thank you so much,” I said softly, “And yeah, I will.”

As Tiffany walked away, I pulled out my cell phone to call for a ride. Searching through my contacts, my thumb froze over Harry’s name. <i>Fuck it</i> I thought as I pressed the call button. It would be easier to talk to him now that I got alcohol in my system. My heart was pounding in my chest as I waited for Harry to answer. It took three rings before I finally heard his voice. “Louis? It’s past midnight, where are you?” His voice was husky as he slowly spoke. I hope I didn’t wake him.

“The pub. Pick me up?”

The line was quite and I heard him moving around. “Yeah, okay. Be there soon.”

“Thanks Haz.” I said and hung up. Putting my phone in my jacket pocket and cash on the counter, I left the building to wait for Harry in the parking lot. I have to admit, I was slightly nervous as I stood outside. The last time I saw Harry, he was a childish mess and I was angry at him. And now... I just really want to apologize. I hope he’ll accept it, but I don’t blame him if he won’t. In all honesty, I was a dick to leave him when I did.

There was a bright light shining in my eyes and I used my arm to shield it. I recognized the car and moved towards it, trying my best to put on a smile. Here he is. This is going to be awkward.