Love Across The Multiverse

Where Did It All Go Wrong?

Summary: Clary reflects on her friendship with Simon and wonders where did all go so wrong.

I apologize for the late update, life got in the way, thanks for your patience here's a new chapter. 

Enjoy the chapter. (Also English is not my first language, so excuse any mistakes, and feel free to point it out to me.) 

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Clary's P.O.V

Clary can't think of time where Simon wasn't in her life, sure they meet when they were five, but if she is honest with herself she can't seem to remember a time he wasn't there, watching TV, eating cookies, talking about everything and nothing, going to band practice, sneaking out, crying, laughing, getting yelled at by their parents, family dinners, and lying there in bed all day and doing nothing.

Looking back almost all of her memories involved Simon, the good, the bad, and the in between, they were inseparable to the point that people thought they were extremely, unhealthy codependent, their teachers thought they were dating, they friends were dived those who thought that they had some sort of friends with benefits thing going on and those who thought that they will grow up to that couple who are childhood sweethearts and be each other's epic love, Luke used to joke that the only guy he ever approve is Simon when she dates or get married, their mothers teased them all the time asking when they should set the wedding date, it was all fun and games, and Simon and Clary always laughed about it, how ridiculous everyone sounded, because to her Simon wasn't her boyfriend, her future husband or just her best friends, he didn't just fit into one of those categories, he was her soulmate, no not her soulmate he was more, because even the word soulmate wasn't enough to describe their connection, to describe the fact that he was her everything, the one who understood her without her saying any words, the one who would never leave, the who won't Judge, the who never hates her no matter how badly she screws up.

She knew from day one that Simon was goanna mean the world to her, and she was right, He followed her to this dangerous world that he was not part of just because of her, because of her he ended being kidnaped and turned into a vampire, forced to live forever while those he loved grow old and died around him.

Forever stuck being 18, never aging, or changing, he won't get to go to college, get a job, get married, have kids and grow old, he won't get to have a normal life.

And it's all because of her.

There isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't blame herself, if only she listened to others and didn't let Simon tag along, if only she didn't turn him into a vampire and put stake through his chest instead, if only she wasn't selfish when it came to her love for Simon.

But all the if's in the world won't change what happened, but that doesn't mean she hadn't wished that she made different decisions. But she couldn't help but wonder, given the chance would she really make a different decision?

would she really be selfless when it came to her love for Simon?

She wishes that she could say yes, that given the opportunity she wouldn't have let him tag along, she would have staked him and set him free. But she knows that's a bunch of lies, she can never let go of Simon, the idea of him not being part of her life seems so earth-shattering that she doesn't even want to think about it.

And maybe that's why she feels so guilty, because she knows Simon will always love her selflessly, because if the roles were refused he would have put a stake through her chest and set her free, even if it would have destroyed him, because her happiness mattered more to him than his, but she could never do that, she would put hers before his, because Simon was her happiness which meant she would've still have raised him from the dead even if it meant his misery.

She's selfish when it comes to him and she knows it but others didn't, they all thought Simon loved her more while she loved him less, they were wrong, all of them, his mother, their friends, Luke, even her own mother. But what they didn't realize that it wasn't less or more it simply was different, Simon loved selflessly while she loved selfishly.

And maybe that made her cruel, but she doesn't know any other way to care for and love Simon.

And just when she thought that everything has finally settled down, that killing Valentine meant the end of all the drama, she was again proven wrong with news of Simon's disappearances.

She almost lost her mind when Maia announced that Simon was missing, and when they couldn't find him, her fear and worry grow, what if he's hurt? Or worse?

Only to find out that he made a deal with Seelie queen, which is defiantly worse. Leave it to Simon to sacrifices himself for others without thinking about himself.

On top of that, he was missing for a whole month, a MONTH, and none of them knew, she didn't know, honestly, some best friend she is, she was so caught up in all of her drama that she didn't notice the most important person in her life was missing. How could she call herself his best friend?

And to make matter worst Rebecca showed knowing everything about the shadow world, and she refused to leave until she got some answers about Simon whereabouts and not explain where she learned about the shadow world because she insists that Simon didn't tell and she believes that, because Simon has the tendency to put himself in danger but never others, especially his big sister, god Simon is never going to forgive her if anything happened to Rebecca.

As she sat there waiting for Alec to come back with an audience with queen she couldn't help but think of all the events that led her to this moment, from her bumming into Jace outside the club to her mother disappearing, to Simon following her, and her letting him, to Raphael showing up with Simon's dead body.

And she couldn't help but to think where did it all go wrong, in which moment did things became so messed up and complicated.

If she listened to her mom, if she never had ran into Jace that day, if she just stayed a normal mundane girl maybe her life wouldn't have become a constant battle for survival, she and Simon could have continued being too ignorant happy teenagers with their biggest worries as to which university they'll go to, where to live, who to date, just normal problems.

Not this complicated mess of life where every day is a battle of survival, constant worries, guilt, tears, and blood.

Just How did they go from those little 5-year-old kids, always happy & always laughing, to this?

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Will, how was it? please leave a review or feedback and votes, I really like to hear your thoughts. and don't forget to share.

you can also find my story on fanfiction.net under username summer-162and AO3 under the username summer162