Take My Past And Burn Me Down

August 17, 2012

Dear Mom,

How's Heaven? I bet it's beautiful. Have you seen Grandpapa and Grandmama? Do they miss us?

I wish you could respond. I know that you're here with me, but I miss you. I miss is being a family. I miss your homemade bread and your usual food excursions. Those usually turned out to be the best meals ever. Especially that pene casserole. That's also something I miss about Dad being Dad. He always gave you a hard time about it but we all knew he loved your cooking more than anyone.

Anyway, why am I talking about food?

Last night I actually got to sleep in my bed because he passed out before we got home. Is it terrible that I've come to look forward to sleeping in my own bed instead of the garage?

I made a mistake Mom. Last night I suggested to Dad that he try to sober up because it wasn't healthy for us. He just laughed and slapped me a few times calling me a "silly girl."

Then he started to get angry. He started punching me and throwing me to the ground. I fell and hit my forehead on that sewing machine box by your chair and busted open my eyebrow. After he was finally finished and stumbled off to your old bedroom, I went to the bathroom and tried to stitch it up.

Today at school Shanine threw a ball at my face in dodgeball even though I was already out of the game and hit the stitches. They split open and I started bleeding everywhere and everyone surrounded me and started laughing and pointing.

I can't take it much longer Mom. I need help. I went to the schools counselor but all she does is ask you your problem and make herself some coffee so I just told her the same old lie. I fell on my bike and cut my eyebrow.

I don't even own a bike. Dad trashed the one you have me for my thirteenth birthday because it reminded him too much of you.

When will it stop? How can I make it through this? I need you so badly right now Mom. I love you and I miss you so much.

Love,

Nina