It's Always Darkest Before The Dawn

Breakdown

I get woken up again about an hour later when Slash sits bolt upright in my arms and scrambles to push me off of him saying "No, no I don't want this, no, please stop, don't touch me, no!" He swings his arms out like he's trying to push something away and this wakes him up and he cries out in fear and starts to shake. I quickly move behind him and wrap him in my arms and he freaks out and tries to fight me off. "Axl I said no, I meant no, get off me! I don't want you to touch me, I don't want it!"

"Slash, it's not Axl, it's Izzy, you're ok baby, Axl's not here, I'll keep you safe, you're safe." He calms down a little but is still whining and squirming and shaking. "Shh baby doll, I've got you, I love you, I'm not going to hurt you, calm down sweetness, it's ok I promise." I'm pretty sure all the heroin I've giving him is making these nightmares worse, and probably the painkillers from the hospital aren't helping either; sometimes opiates take your subconscious and twist it into something terrifying, pills are notorious for giving people nightmares. I know when I was younger and had knee surgery after crashing my skateboard back in Indiana I was on painkillers for a week and every night I'd wake up in a cold sweat after some terrifying dream. They were especially vivid and real and some of those dreams I remember to this day.

He goes limp in my arms and whispers "Izzy? It's really you?"

"It's me baby doll," I tell him turning him around to face me. He looks visibly relieved when I push his hair back out of his eyes. He turns himself around so he's straddling my lap and wraps his arms around me and buries his face in my neck and hair. He's still shaking pretty badly and I hold him tightly and stroke his hair and talk to him softly, repeating what I said earlier and throwing in how much I love him and how I'll never stop. Eventually the shivering subsides and his breathing slows down. He doesn't let go though, he holds on and whimpers every now and then. "How are you feeling baby doll?" I ask him.

"I'm ok. I'm hungry Izz."
"How's yor pain baby?" I ask him softly.

"Pretty good, still pretty numb from the last shot. Will you get me something to eat?" he asks.

"Sure baby doll, what do you want?"

"Eggs and toast and tea. I'm hoping it will stay down."

"Me too, you need some nourishment Slash." I know that if he continues to throw up everything I'm going to have to take him back to the hospital. I call room service and order his food. When it comes I prop him up in a chair at the little table in the hotel room and tell him to eat slowly. When he's done I take his temperature again, almost 102. I don't feel like he's getting any better and it worries me. He wants to take a shower and I get in with him and wash his hair which he loves and he relaxes a little. We clean the rest of him up and then I have to clean out his wounds. The doctors said to clean them twice a day with rubbing alcohol. Slash hates it because it burns like hell but it has to be done. He lays on his belly holding tightly to a pillow to muffle his cries. I bring a q-tip and the alcohol over to the bed and dip the q-tip into the bottle. Then I spread him open and clean the top right side and use the other end of the q-tip to clean the bottom right side. He's so swollen and red, god that has to hurt.

Suddenly Slash moves up the bed and grabs the trashcan beside it and vomits up the food he just ate. That's it, we're going back to the hospital, it's been two days of nothing but vomiting and a high fever, he's not getting any better. I help him brush his teeth and tell him we need to go back to the hospital. He starts crying and tells me he doesn't want to go in a small voice. I wrap my arms around him and he leans into me, burying his face in my shoulder.

"I don't want to go Izzy," he sobs. "I don't want to go back there, I don't want anybody else to see or know!"

"Shhh baby doll. I know how you feel and I know you don't want to but we have to go. You're not getting any nourishment into your body and you're getting weaker every day. Your temperature is up high again too. You're not getting better and we've got to go back and see what they can do for you." I tell him.