winter's child

Sleepless

I open tired eyes when I feel a soft jostling. Once again, I'm wrapped in Daddy's arms. He gives me a sad smile, "Hi dollie."

"Hi Daddy," I murmur. 

"How are you feeling?"

"Sleepy."

He nods and stokes my hair, "No more missions for you."

I sit up sharp and alert, "Why?"

"Mommy doesn't want you going. She's afraid you're going to get hurt worse than a few bruises and cuts. And that something might trigger you."

"What does that mean?"

"Well...after I got away from HYDRA, I needed help to get better. And I did. I was. But then we went on a mission to where I was kept. I-I froze. Glitched. Something wired deep in me turned on and I went...I went into killer...mode. She's worried there's something inside you too, and she doesn't want you to feel...like that."

I quiet in understanding, knowing that I might really be a monster waiting to claw its way out.

We spread out around the tower, relaxing after a long mission. I sit on the floor across Wanda's legs, talking gently in a language I used to know. We play make believe with our words.

Daddy pulls Mommy onto his lap and they half-watch muffled TV, kissing through most of it. Mr. Stark sets out pop-tarts and coffee when rain starts to pour. Wanda magics some over for us. I'm about to try a sip of coffee when Mommy says, "Tanya, you won't be able to sleep..."

Daddy kisses the words right off her lips, "You won't be able to sleep either," he whispers.

"Get a room," Uncle Clint mutters, not even looking up from his perch on the edge of the kitchen counter.

Quietly, Daddy picks Mommy up. She wraps her legs around his waist. He carries her to a room as they kiss.

The rain lulls me into the starry black void of sleep. I fall and I fall and I fall and I fall 

and I fall and I fall and I fall and I land on the cold metal table.

Blurry people in white wobble around me, sharp things glinting in their fingers. I feel them cut me, stuff me, mold me into their perfect little monster. 

I try to scream, my voice is silent.

I try to move, I'm pinned down.

I try to wake up, I feel everything explode with my crackling energy around me.

I feel myself shaking with tears and rage and pain. I'm panting in heaving hot breaths when I shoot up. I feel trembling tears trickle down my face as hands hold me tight. I look up with wobbly vision to see Wanda.

She whispers, stroking my hair as her red magic floats around my head, wiping out the war inside of it, "Shhh....Shhh....It's okay. No one can hurt you. No one."

My lips tremble, "W-Wanda? What h-happened?"

"You had a bad dream. It was only a dream."

"But it hurt..."

"I know. I know."

I hear soft footsteps and turn to see Mommy and Daddy, both with crooked grins and unevenly dressed. But their face pale helplessly when they see me. They rush over.

Daddy pulls me into his arms. I curl against him. He holds me tight and presses his face into my hair. I hear the vague murmurs exchanged between Mommy and Wanda. Daddy and Mommy walk me to a room.

He sets me on the bed and pulls on a shirt. They sit next to me, holding me tight between them. Daddy has his metal arm around me, clutching me to his side. His face flashes with worry when he thinks I can't see. Mommy runs her hands through my hair and down my back as I cry silent tears.