Forever • Renjun x Donghyuk

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AN:/ Italics are inner thoughts or significant words

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Renjun's POV

I took a deep breath as I put the blade to my wrist.

Do it.

My brain told me but I didn't move, I just let the blade sit on my wrist and I contemplated.

Should I? It's been 3 months, I shouldn't...I should...I need to.

These thoughts plagued my mind to the point where I couldn't think straight. The constant battle in my head.

Do it. Don't. You deserve it. You told Donghyuk you'd get better.

Tears started to stream down my face and I choked back a sob. I was about to do it then I remembered him. Donghyuk, the person I love the most yet can't be with.

*3 months ago*

Donghyuk and I were lying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, laughing and talking about whatever came to mind.

"You know I've always wanted to fly around in outer space...Childish right?" I said looking at him.

"Not childish at all Renjun, if you ever get the chance to go to outer space...bring me with you." He said looking me in the eyes.

My breath hitched at the close proximity of our faces. Donghyuk's hair was covering part of his face so I reached over without thinking and moved his hair behind his ear. He immediately gave me a horrified look and sat up causing me to follow his actions.

"What the fuck are those?!"

I immediately knew what he was talking about but I pretended to be clueless, "What do you mean?"

He then grabbed my wrist causing me to wince. "You know what I mean!"

He rolled down my sleeves exposing countless numbers of scars and cuts, "Renjun...why?"

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't think. I couldn't talk. So I did what I always do. I cried. I broke into tears. Donghyuk immediately pulled me into a tight hug. I buried my face in his shoulder as sobs rocked my entire body.

I don't know how long we stayed like that but Donghyuk didn't stop hugging me. Eventually I stopped crying and pulled away from him, I held my head down in shame because I was embarrassed. Embarrassed of my scars and embarrassed about crying in front of him. Donghyuk rested his hand on my cheek forcing me to look him in the eyes. His eyes are my favorite feature on him. They held all of his emotions, you could tell how he was feeling just by looking at them. At least I could. His eyes were dull and had a mixture of sadness and worry. I felt guilty. I'm the reason he's feeling this way.

"Renjun...I don't know what's pushing you to do this but I want you to know that I'm here. I love you and you know that. If you ever feel the need to cut again please call me and I'll be right over, even if I'm busy...you're the person I cherish the most in my life, alright?"

I simply nodded, "I love you too Donghyuk."

My 'I love you' was different from his. He smiled at me, "You can get through this. I'll be by your side the whole way. I'll always be by your side, forever."