Forever • Renjun x Donghyuk

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AN:/ Italics are inner thoughts or significant words

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*Donghyuk's POV*

2 weeks. It's been 2 weeks and we have not uttered a word to each other. This is the longest we've been apart, we've never fought like this before.

I'm such a terrible friend.

I got up from my spot in the bed and went downstairs to the kitchen. I made myself a cup of hot chocolate and sat down at the empty table. I checked the time on my phone. 6:05 am. I always had a habit of waking up early even after going to bed so late. Probably the reason why I'm always tired.

Lately I've been confused. Mark and I have been together for over a month now but we've been friends for a couple years which is why I was comfortable with moving in with him so soon. Honestly I don't think I love Mark. I feel dissatisfied when I kiss or hug him. I feel nothing when he says he loves me. It's like the honeymoon phase of our relationship lasted only 3 days. It was here then gone. The only thing I can focus on is the kiss. My heart races and my face heats up whenever I think about it. The kiss itself was amazing but once I realized how much I enjoying it, I panicked and I pushed him away.

I was scared. Scared of my own feelings. Scared of falling in love with my best friend. Scared of being considered a cheater, which I am. Do I like Renjun? I have no fucking idea and that kiss didn't help at all despite how much I loved it. I've been confused on my feelings for him for about a year now. I don't know if I like him and I don't know if he likes me. Granted he did kiss me but it could've been a heat in the moment thing. I sighed out loud and finished the rest of my hot chocolate. I rested my head in my arms and thought for a bit.

What if I do like Renjun? Should I tell him? Should I break up with Mark?

A pat on my back startled me, shaking me out of my thoughts. I sat up and looked to my side. I was greeted with a very tired Mark Lee. I gave him a small smile, which he returned.

"You alright?" He asked while brushing the hair out of my face.

Renjun does that to me all the time, it feels different when he does it.

I nodded my head, "I woke up early and now I can't go back to sleep."

Mark chuckled a bit and pulled me into a side hug. We stayed like that for a bit. I didn't realize how cold it was in the kitchen until I was embraced into Mark's warm arms. We looked at each other for bit. Eventually he leaned in and pecked my lips.

Nothing.

It's not like I expected anything.

Mark released me from his embrace, "I have to get going to work now."

I gave him a questioning look, "So early? You usually don't start till noon."

"They needed me in earlier today...They said they'd pay extra so when I get back I'll take you to a nice dinner."

I smiled at him, "No it's alright, when you get back you should rest." Mark gave me a smile and kissed the side of my head.

"I love you." He whispered. I only nodded my head.

He started saying I love you to me last week. I couldn't say it back because I'd be lying. Lying to him. Lying to myself. My eyes followed him as he left. I released a breath and went back up stairs. I got back in bed and stared up at the ceiling just thinking.

I'm such a horrible boyfriend and friend. I wonder how Renjun feels right now. I can't believe I just left him like that. I hope he didn't relapse. Tears started to appear in my eyes. What if he cut himself because of what I did.