One Missed Call

October 7

Pete,
  I talked to Alex and explained why I did what I did. At first he was a little hurt that I thought he would leave me but then he started to get where I was coming from. Im so happy he doesn't hate me, I don't know what I would've done if he said he never wanted to see me again. He did make me agree to try and talk to him instead of blowing up him. I told that I would try but you know how I get whenever I try to open up. I get all weird and I can't explain anything right.

   I let him know about that too but he said he didn't care. Its nice to know that he doesn't care about these things. The only thing he cares about is if I'm ok. Honestly right now I'm feeling ok for once since you've died I feel a little happy. It's Alex's fault that I'm not that sad, but I know that this happiness is only temporary. Even if Alex stays I know something will happen. Something always happens but for now I'm not gonna dwell on that. Right now, today, at this moment I'm happy and that's what matters.

   I was gonna tell you about how mom and dad haven't called in while but thats not important. I won't let them ruin my mood cause then they have the power. They don't deserve to have power over my mood exspecially when the only time they contribute to it they make me feel horrible. So for now I'm not going to think of them and if they decide to call and remember that they have daughter then I'll talk to them. As soon as I'm not treated like a bank they're giving deposits to I'll talk to them.

  How have you been though? I hope everything is good where you are. Or at least not horrible. I bet your shaking your head at me from above. You know like how you'd do whenever I tried to lie to you. You'd always shake your head at me with a smile threatening to show on your face. Id break down and spill my guts out to you and you'd listen. Even if it was something stupid like I didn't understand a homework question and it was making me frustrated. Then you would smile and help me out or try and make it better.

    Remember that time you came home one weekend to find me crying at the kitchen table. You were so worried that I was hurt or something terrible had happened. I had tried to tell you that everything was fine but you gave me that face. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore and I told you everything. It was some stupid problem like on the math homework that I just couldn't get. You sat their with me for hours showing me how to do it and then making sure I understand. The whole time you would stop to make sure I didn't have any questions and I did you would answer them. I wish I could go back to when that was the worst problem I had, but I can't so I'm just live in the moment for now.

I'll talk to you soon, I hope your doing good.